Sleep, Sleep, Sleep......................

Well despite being very tired yesterday I still watched the Green Mile till quarter past 1 then I couldn't sleep till 3am.

I was rudely awoken this morning by a screeching something called a Mother and I could hardly open my eyes. So I rolled to my side and ignored it, then it walked in screaming this time and then left and said "I don't want any letter from any college". I decided not to shout back "yes well I specifically asked for them not to include you in my education". Anyway, when it left whilst ringing Colin, I (with my eyes still shut) pulled the dresser in front of the door then after it was bitching about me to Colin it slammed the door to make a point. It didn't make any point because later Colin told me he told her to shut up. Anyway I rolled over in my bed and decided to sleep. I woke up at like 4 o clock. I watched a bit of some antiques program then at half 4 I watched Togger! Well, I watched Grange Hill. I then waited till tosser went to the gym then I had a nice relaxing shower then went online. Oh what an exciting life I lead. Yay I can get stoned tomorrow, Shaun's getting even more weed :D at last. Well the rest of my evening was speaking to Shaun, watching Coronation Street, eating dinner and writing this blog. God, I need a life.

xXx

Yay, I Got To See Greenday :D

Well Friday I was too tired to go to college and I stayed in bed until about 2 when Christina came in and informed me she was going out. I lay in bed and my phone rang at 3 or something and anyway it was Shaun telling me he finished work. I had a sneaking suspision that she had probably gone to Colins so I searched the house and tried ringing Colin loads. I gave up, actually looked and found overnight things missing so Shaun rang back and I told him he could stay for a couple of night. Then Colin rings me and tells me that Christina didn't bother telling me and wasn't going to bother telling me that she was at his till Sunday. So I thought yay FREE HOUSE! Anyway Shaun came over and we were chilling out and then Shaun gets a phonecall. It's his sister Gemma's boyfriend Dave. He's a DJ at Key 103 and asked Shaun if he wanted two free tickets to Green Day. Did he refuse? Of course he did :'( nt :P God no! Anyway, I spoke to Anthony and Lydia on the phone and then the rest of the night Shaun and I chilled out, and eat the chocolate he brought, until..........half 1. Ben was singing in my back garden and then started throwing stones at my window. I got changed and let him in, then he wanted Shaun to come down, so I went to get him too. So we sat down there and Ben and Shaun smoked a joint and I sat there and we talked. Then Shaun and I watched Pink Floyd's The Wall, one of the weirdest films/yet one of the best. Ben meanwhile was upstairs playing on the guitar. Then Ben made his way downstairs at half 4 and said he was going so we said bye and went upstairs and watched the rest of the film upstairs.

Saturday Lyd woke me up in the morning and she said she was going to set off, I said better wait half an hour and then we slowly got up. Lyd came round, we watched some of the videos then Sarah rang and her and Anthony made there way up so we went for a shower. Got changed and went downstairs and we were all watching the homemade New Year Eve's videos. What fun. One of the first few sentences I said to Shaun: "Do you want to come?", it wasn't meant to sound so bad. We made our way downtown, after waiting with Anthony at the bus stop, we saw Mr Fletcher, talked for a bit then we got some stuff, I was so nicely bought a white chocolate kit kat and a creme egg. We all sat down on this bench in the gardens near town and had a cig, Shaun went to get a bus to go see his sister to gets the tickets and Lyd, Sarah and I made our way up to mine. There we watched Queen. Shaun brought back some chips and a present for me, a Kinder Egg :D yay. He didn't have to go any further than the bus station cause Gemma rang and told him to collect the tickets from a hotel. We ate our food and then we all set off. Lyd and Sarah both gave me a hug and poor Shaun got a hug off Sarah :P hehe. He didn't mind the hug off Lyd. Anyway, we said goodbye and Shaun and I waited at the Manchester stop for ages. We got the bus to Chorleton street, got a taxi and went to collect the tickets from a hotel and then we went to the MEN arena. We went in, found our seats and Shaun went to get some larger :D we stood up and watched Green Day. They were pretty damn good. A lot of audience participation in the whole thing. They even got a guitarist, bassist and drummer up on stage to play while they sang. The lucky son-of-a-bitch guitarist was given Billie Joe's own guitar. Who hates him *raises hand*. All in all the gig was pretty decent, lol a spotlight went on Shaun and I when we were making out :( how rude. Anyway we waited for about an hour for the bus home. We got home, got stoned, cleaned the house and finally got to sleep about 5 in the morning.

We woke up this morning at 1. Mother had already come home, she woke us up slamming doors around and generally being a twat. Shaun made breakfast because I'm hopefully and some roll ups and I went and got changed and we left the house at about 25 past 4. I said farewell to Shaun and then Aunty Maggy and Uncle Tony took me out for a meal. It was a sensational Indian Restaurant, with food that tasted authentic and not at all cheap. It was all surprisingly yummy :D after the meal we went down "Curry Mile" and we got some Indian sweets. I promised Shaun I'd share some with him on Tuesday, as long as we could get stoned. Good deal. So I got home, I'm still knackered and I am now going to go to bed before I fall asleep on the keyboard.

xXx

Part 2

Ok, I admit it, I'm weak. I rang him up and apolgised for hanging up on him but I explained how I DO NOT like being messed around. He said he was sorry and he forgot about the tax forms he had to fill in etc. and I was like whatever. So he asked if I wanted to see him tomorrow and I said, no, I'm busy and he said fine, what about Saturday. I said no again. Then he started getting slightly annoying saying "fine, be like that". He was saying I was going in a big sulk and I thought I had a right after being messed around like that. His idea after all. He asked me if he should wait till I stop being sulky and contact him if I actually want to see him. Ok, I sort of felt a bit guilty after that and agreed to see him tomorrow. Now I feel weak, I feel like I've been guilt tripped into feeling like I'm in the wrong. He was totally in the wrong, he could of at least told me in the morning or something insted I get nothing. I don't think I am in the wrong and it really annoys me.

xXx

Grrrrrrrrrr

I hate being messed around. I was the one who said 'ok I'll see you on Friday' and he was the one who said 'what about Thursday'. So today I got ready and packed and stuff and then he says 'I think I'll give it a mess'. Yes I'm sure you will. Well, I'll give fucking Friday a miss too. I'll wait till you come up to mine and tell you I want to give it a miss. Then you'll see, I don't like being messed about with. Grrr.....that sort of stuff winds me up. Anyway I did the right thing and said I was going and quickly hung up cause I wasn't going to listen to his "nice" conversation after that. I really don't like being messed around, I know it was cruel but I gotta put my foot down. If you don't mean something, don't say it.

Anyway, I slept in till 3 and missed "Web Design", a whole day of it. Man, that would of got me bad :( It's cause I stayed up till 4 talking to Thom and Jono about random things. Stupid me really. I got up had a shower, got ready for Shaun's and then he says that. Grrr.........my day has been so boring. I slept most of it away.

Hmm......now, not knowing guys wonderfully well I don't know what's going to happen now. I'm expecting a bitchy text which I haven't got and I doubt he will send it now. He may be waiting for me to "calm down", he has a long time to wait. He'll probably leave it till tomorrow night cause I won't be contacting him. Lol, I'm so stoopid, I should apologise really but I don't want to cause I don't want to be a walkover and I want to put my foot down on a matter like being messed around. Aww, I just hope he doesn't take it totally the wrong way.

xXx

Oh yeah and apparently he said "he forgot". Thanks I feel so much better, I'm not even worth remembering.

Pernod

Yeah dumbass title but I couldn't think of one and I have a Pernod Pen in front of me so bingo.

I got up Tuesday morning and I felt so sick. Colin rang and I told him and he said it's probably my body adjusting to being half well after being dosed up with drugs.........again. So I was too sick to go to college so I lied and told my mother (cause she was shouting, as per usual) that I had been given my assignment on Monday so I knew exactly what I was doing. Of course that was bullshit, all I did was a "Stars" essay that Darren gave me in Monday afternoon's Film Studies lesson. Anyway, I wrote all that up in rough before it was internet researched and then I decided to sleep till about 2 until my mother had finished work and I could type it up. Of course I slept till 4 and I started up the computer, went down for a cup of tea to wake me up and my mother got up from sleeping and immediately said "you've been on the computer for ages haven't you!!!!???". I was totally stunned I nearly dropped my spoon, "I've only just loaded up the computer, the net isn't even connected". "LIAR!". Woah, she's weird. Anyway as I typed up my work which seemed to take forever my mother got ready for the gym. She left and 10 minutes later there was banging at the door. And it was Shaun YAY, I hadn't seen him for like a week so I gave him a big huggle. I had only typed up and researched about a quarter of the essay but anyway I quickly packed my bag and he called a taxi and I went to his. Awww........I hadn't seen him in ages so it was nice to spend some time with him.

Wednesday yesterday and I had to get up at 6:45 because Shaun was going to work. So we got changed, had our cup of tea and he called a taxi for me. Funnily enough the taxi guy I got was his dad and we talked for a bit. I came home and went straight to sleep tilll 4:15 where I was in time for Grange Hill. TOGGERS BACK!!! YAY!!! Then, Christina decided to be a twat and annoy me, delibrately I may add. Cause now she knows about the fact I can't be stressed, she's got a lot worse. Anyway, I ended up screaming at her because she was constantly being a twat. Anyway it felt like someone had then clenched my heart with a fist so I slowly made my way upstairs and lay down till it didn't hurt as much and I got Colin to phone me back. He had a go at my mother who then shut the fuck up for the rest of the night. I spoke to Shaun too who said he'd ring me later.

I went on the computer, started on my essay again titled "Stars" and it's ultra long and ultra boring. I went down for dinner where Christina was going to be a twat, knowing I wanted this essay out the way so I have more free time in the upcoming days and I knew she was going to suggest I wash up. So I ate my dinner in a record 10 or so minutes and quickly scooted upstairs. Shaun rang me so I rang him back and we talked for a bit. Then Lyd and I talked about great Martin Fry is (obviously we weren't being serious). Colin phoned me up last week knowing that I find cheesy bands hilarious asked if Lyd and I wanted to go to a ABC concert in Southport. Would I pass up the opportunity to see the cheesy 80s band ABC and Tony Hadley in the flesh for a night of entertainment? No I wouldn't. And neither would Lyd. We love our cheesy bands. Anyway we talked about how fetching Martin Fry looked in his gold suit and how much of a drag queen he looked in his younger days. Shaun came online and he was being a twat so I was being a twat back. How dare he not like HIM grrr.......I'm so going to delibrately play it to annoy him in his own room.

Finally I finished the essay about 45 or so ago :D at the moment I'm just talking to Thom who's showing me 'without a doubt, the gayest thing since barney the dinosaur'. A video of some Japanese guys, some kind of boyband apparently. And I'm talking to Jono about music magazines. Yay today I'm sleeping at Shaun's tonight, as I am Friday night and Saturday night :) Aww I missed the buggar. 1 month on Friday, that's a mile stone for me, they rarely last long before I finish them usually. Most I've been with someone, 3 months, just about. Now that's not good. Hopefully this will last a bit longer, through both of us moving.

Anyway, I'm going to bed in a sec so ciao

xXx

Through The Roof

Well today I made an effort and went to college. But again, I didn't sleep last night. I was litrually up all night, no wonder my mp3 battery went. Anyway, I was happily lying in bed, wishing I could sleep and that it wasn't so painful when mother walked in at quarter past 7 and switched the main light on. I sat up and said "why fucking bother, it's not like I was sleeping. You saw my eyes open." She just did it to spite me which bothers me. I went and made myself a nice cup of tea and I had breakfast for once in aggges. Although, it was only toast. I rang the doctors up at 8 and booked an appointment for after college, ten past four.

So I set off from the house at 25 to 9 and met Ben. I gave him my A Clockwork Orange video I said I'd give him cause Colin bought me the DVD version. So I was happy-ish in the morning but by 10 I was knackered, light headed and freezing cold. I just wanted the day to end :( It just seemed to drag on. In Film Studies which was last lesson we were in DTP. I basically sat there, listened to Jack Off Jill and Nine Inch Nails on the computer and played games on my mobile. I couldn't defeat this friggin monster though on Doom :(

I left ten or fifteen minutes early so I could get to the doctors early, maybe then they'd reward me by letting me in sooner. I got there at 4, only had to wait 5 minutes then I went to see the doctor. I told him my problems. He had to check my blood pressure and heart for a check up. So, he did so, the first blood pressure reading was 110. He tutted and said he hoped that was wrong, he did it again and it was 92. He looked at me and said, your blood pressure is very high for someone of your age, weight and height. I was like erm ok. He said the average was 70 degrees and I was far too over and also my heartbeat was too fast. I don't get all degrees things but all I know is that it's really unhealthy to have such high blood pressure. He said he couldn't put me on blood pressure tablets because of the other tablets and pills he was giving me for my other problems. So basically all I can do is take it easy. Apparently if my blood pressure goes too high and my heartbeat too fast I could have a stroke or a heart attack. So I'm not to get stressed. Guess what the first thing mother does when she comes back? She shouts at me and then starts slamming doors. She doesn't have any consideration for my health. It's her contributing to my poor health at this point and all she can do is stress me out more. My friend said I have to get out of that house, it litrually is fucking up my health.

So, from now on, I have to take it easy, not get stressed out and spend as much time away from mother as possible.

xXx

Fed Up Now

Errr just spoke to Shaun who is still in London. Things took longer than usual. He's still at Euston station waiting to find out which platform to catch the train from. I was hoping to get out of his hell hole for at least a night. It's becoming unbearable already. She's a bitch, I hate her, I hate her, I HATE HER, I HATE HER SO FUCKING MUCH. She drives me crazy which results in me going nuts at everyone else. Hate's a strong word but you can hate someone and still care for them. But sometimes, I don't know if I can live the day through. I hate feeling like this.

Colin rang me up, told me he forgot about taking me to the doctors (thanks for that) and that he'd have a word with my mother who refused to take me to the doctors and told me to walk although I'm gradually getting worse. My joints are killing me so bad now and my throat is getting worse, getting my cough back. Of course, Christina doesn't care about my health, but with the magic words from someone she loves oh so very much she'll do anything. Christina is like "yeah we're going out again, we love each other very much" etc. etc. and Colin is like "no we're not going out. We're just friends at the moment. I'm not ready for a relationship." What the fuck is going on! Why can't you two make up your friggin minds! Anyway, she's agreed to take me to the doctors in the afternoon after she's finished work that pays nothing but she won't go find another job.

I'm more angry and annoyed than usual also because of feeling so rough. I can't sleep because my joints provide me with so much pain. Also, I was looking forward to seeing Shaun, he was expected back at about 8 this evening but now he's boarding the train at Euston at quarter past 9 and he won't be back at Manchester till 12:50 ish. Hopefully his mother will still pick me up. I can't stand to be in this house. I hate everything about it, I especially hate the person in it. Sometimes, I just feel I can't cope with being here anymore. She is hell to live with, she passes it off as all my fault but she's been told by coucellors, shrinks, social services that it's her that's the problem, it's her that needed the anger management and parenting classes. She's just making me worse. I just want to go away from this place. When I stayed at Shaun's for those 3 weeks I was happy, ill unfortunately but at least I was happy. I just want to stay away from here. I hate her, I hate myself, I hate who I am.

Such Confuzzlement In The Early Afternoon Is Not Good For You

Errr I woke up about midday and stayed in bed till about 2 just cause I could :D and I wandered downstairs for a morning in my eyes tea. I went downstairs waiting to be greeted with a sarcastic/nasty/playful comment (depending what mood "it" would be in) but I looked around and "it" was nowhere to be found. I got all confuzzled why mother had gone out and left me then I realised she now has two jobs. She works at the MSM homes now too. Yes, it has no relavance to anyone else but I don't like to be too confuzzled in my morning.

Anyway, today I thought I'd have a rant about a certain subject. Spring/Summer catalogues. Errrr........they are awful. I was flicking through the Next Spring/Summer catalogue hoping to find some black jeans cause I need more but what was I greeted with flashes of yellow, orange, lime greens. All the bright colours of the rainbow, all the happy summery colours. Now this is not good, quite scary really. Now I have a thought, well, another thought; Summer is slightly brighter than winter. Wearing yellow, orange and general happy bright colours just doesn't make any sense. Look at it this way, if everyone wore the horrible yellow, orange and lime green colours in winter, it'd cheer up the weird sods who obsessively hate winter and adore summer. Sort of neutral it out. So if people didn't wear foul lime green colours that make you want to vomit in summer where it'll all get mixed up in the awful bright colours of summer then it'd be better.
What I'm trying to say is: Wear bright colours in winter (if you must) and maybe it'll cheer up the people with S.A.D and wear darker colours in summer (all year round if you want) and it'll neutral it all out. No screw that, don't wear bright colours, they suck and you look like a moron.

Anyway, I had another lazy day yesterday. I did prank the business line then pretended to answer it, quickly typed in the code to get the phone lock off and I phoned Shaun cause I promised him I would at some point. We talked about how it was going in London and stuff. I then proceeded to go on the net. At the moment I'm going through the archive of Maddox, an awesome site, the guys a genius. http://maddox.xmission.com/ take a look, it's funny stuff. Anyway, I thought I'd clear it up, with Kate mainly about why I was hating Adam and why he deserves that so badly so I wrote a wonderous blog. Nick Byrne however was not impressed and told me to "fuck off". Well, like I told him, it's my thoughts here, if I choose to make them publically known then I will. Also yesterday a friend of mine called Scott got his friend and they analyzed my dream, well, an ickle bit of it. I just got confuzzled at most of the things then said.

Another thing I thought may or may not amuse you. I texted an obsessive tosser i.e. Richard Simcock. He is a complete ugly fucker, hasn't even got a good personality, he's just all round fucking disgusting and he stinks. He really needs to take regular showers. Anyway, someone informed me that albino boy had dyed his hair black but still had his albino facial hair. I thought this was hilarious so I thought I'd text him and tell him he looked like shit, just because I was in a really mean mood. I haven't seen him, was just told me looked like shit. Anyway, I managed to annoy the fuck out of him which I'm happy about. He's such a dumb fucker. Can't spell for shit.

Ok well today I'm just going to have a lazy day till I have to venture outside errr to meet Shaun cause he's coming back from London today yay! It only takes 2 hours to get to London from here by train, I was surprised. So anyway, he's going to get the 6 o'clock train and he'll arrive back about 8 ish. Can't wait to see him, I missed him :P

Messenger is really pissing me off. Keeps signing me out and being an annoyance. So now I'm person-less to talk to online :( Damn. Dan just texted me telling me MSN is down, everyone on his contact list went off really suddenly but he was left on, lucky git.

xXx

To Clear A Few Things Up..........

People have questioned me why I decided to be a total bitch to a certain someone called Adam Southgate. Well easy answer, he's a perve. He's obviously a dumbfuck too.

Knowing I was sat next to Shaun, the idiot (being Adam) wrote "Yeah it is funny. Wish i was der wid u i wud start fingerin u while i lickd ur nipples, i wud den go dwn nd lick u out. Im just playin snooker 2moz. Tb luv Adam xXx". Yeah I know what you're thinking, I was pretty grossed out too. So Shaun decided that a text back would be appropriate so the reply was something along the lines of "My boyfriend just saw that text and now he's just gone on his motorbike seriously pissed off looking for you". I'm sorry but it so serves Adam right for being a perve. Actually screw that, I'm not sorry, he deserved it all.

My friends and I thought some of the texts he sent were overly gross and his overuse of the word "Babe" reflected his inexperience of dealing with girls. Most girls I know don't like to be called "Babe" at any costs, except townie girls, they like it for some weird reason. I can't say much for townie girls though.

He can't be too intelligent with the fact he was rung up by Shaun who did say to him that he was going to break Adam's legs unless he stopped texting me and Adam happily texted me with "Hey sara hw r u hun? Wot r u up2? Im just watchin tv. Hu was dat guy hu rang me? He said he was goin 2 break ma legs. Bring it on i say. Tb luv Adam xXx". Well the guy did inform you he was my boyfriend, funny that, doesn't seem to understand much does Adam. And an additional gross out was the next text he sent which read "He said dat he was goin 2 break ma legs coz i said i didnt wanna know bout him bein naked but wud b interested if it was u babe. Tb luv Adam xXx". Gross gross gross gross and another gross for good measure. If you didn't want to know about him being naked then you shouldn't be a perve which wouldn't result in people phoning you up to tell you to stop being a twat!

Another text being "Of course i wud babe. Shame uve got a bf i was hopin u wud go wid me. Dat means im gonna ave 2 kick his arse so i cn ave u. Tb luv Adam xXxXx"; this text made me laugh uncontrollably because number 1) The awful use of the word "Babe" 2) I would never go with someone like Adam in a million years 3) I very much doubt that Adam could kick Shaun's arse and if he managed to I'd kick his arse and tell him to go fuck himself for touching my boyfriend. Oh and 4) Too many kisses, gross!

So after going on about kicking Shaun's ass I texted back saying how he wouldn't be able to kick Shaun's ass and his reply was "Hw tall is he?Im ova 6ft, u knw hw strong i am i pickd u nd nick up. Ive had a fight wid a guy 6years older dan me nd won. Tb luv Adam xXx". My response, in my head on course was that if only he applied some of his strength to his mind and managed to construct a sentence that made any sense, that had correct grammar, spaces after each word and was correctly spelt. Anyway, I told him Shaun was "taller, older and stronger than you." After the text above I said that Shaun was 6ft 4 (I over exgarated then), twenty three, very strong (which he is) and a plumber (which had no relevance).

Adam admitted his defeat "Yeah i doubt i cn kick his arse frm wot uve told me babe. If u break up tell me coz i wnt u babe. Wish u were here nw. Wot u wearin?Lol.Wot u doin 2moz? Tb luv Adam". Yes no kisses, my plan may be working! But ewww, two babes, gross. And what the fuck is with "I wnt u babe" taking lines from cheesy songs, god be original, come up with your own ideas. "Wot u wearin? ; hmm DUMBASS you've just been told I've got a boyfriend, you couldn't kick his arse and you ask what I'm wearing, you're sick!

OK, I do have to admit, I did lead him on in some texts. He deserved it, gradually as time went on he got worse, more perverted. So I did inform him "I've been going with him since new years eve. I thought I liked you but then he came along and I liked him loads more. You should meet him. Kick his arse". OK, that was hardly leading him on either, what nice girl who's interested in someone says "I thought I liked you but then he came along and I liked him loads more." God he really fell for that one.

Adam's excuse was that he was pissed and that's what pissed people do. Well, no, they don't. I very much doubt he was pissed morning, noon and night. Shit excuse for being a perve. All Adam wants to do is get laid, lose his virginity. Lighten up babe, you shouldn't want to lose it so desperately. Anyway. your shit excuses weren't very believable either, they were piss poor in fact.


Conclusion
Adam is a desperate perve, Tom says he's like that with every girl and Nick agreed basically and said "tht i can believe". I feel sorry for every girl who encounters this monster.

Be careful...........you could be next

The Killers Are Whores

The Killers suck so much donkey cock, what the fuck is with lyrics like;
Well somebody told me
You had a boyfriend
Who looks like a girlfriend
That I had in February of last year
It's not confidential
I've got potential

They should change their dumbass lyrics that have no meaning to something like this;
Well somebody told me
You had a boyfriend
Who looks like a girlfriend
That slept with the boyfriend
And the ex girlfriend
And they all died
SLUTS

See, my lyrical genius sounds so much better than the original. Man I hate the Killers and their dumbass songs with their stupid meaningless lyrics. Grrrrr...............
I decided one chorus wasn't enough, let's look at two other worthless crap lyrics from the shittiest band to come out of 2004 along with the Zutons which I also think are dumb, "You don't ever think, ever think, ever think too much". What the fuck. I'll think as much as I want you no brainers!

Here, these are random lyrics from another dumbass song with a stupid title "Mr. Brightside";
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his—chest
Now, he takes off her dress

Told you they were stupid fucking manwhore perves.

I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

Come on you professional writer we're paying shit loads to help us make our crap song sound a bit more arty. But some nice arty things in like "saints", "lullabies" and make it rhyme dumbass, we need to catch the kids attention here, they like sing-a-long cheesy songs we'll try and pass as really good music. Mr Brightside.........come on.............what the fuck! It's all stupid corporate bullshit.

We took a walk that night, but it wasn't the same
We had a fight on the promenade out in the rain
She said she loved me, but she had somewhere to go
She couldn't scream while I held her close
I swore I'd never let her go
Tell me what you wanna know

See, it's all perverted, just look at the lyrics, it's all perverted. It's all about love, why the fuck are all cheesy songs about love. No one wants to hear about soppy love put into such a crap way by the fucking Killers. Just sounds like they looked at a cheesy love movie and got a writer to put it into a way that the guy could sing along too in yet again another cheesy way.

I know my rights,
I've been here all day and it's time
For me to go, so let me know if it's alright
I just can't take this,
I swear I told you the truth
She couldn't scream while I held her close
I swore I'd never let her go

You know why the chrous' are always better than the song in cheesy sing-alongs well it's because this is where they pay the writer shit loads to make them sound good so when they advertise their shit all over the TV and radio it sounds half decent, except in the Killer's case, it sounds shit whenever. I hated it from the first moment I heard it. Corporate bullshit. Despite what all the critics say the Killers suck with their corporate shit. Critics are probably paid vast amounts of money to praise every sucky single they heard. The record companies can afford this cause when it's done little vunrable people think "well, the critics say it's good, it must be" so they go out and buy it and realise how shit it is and how stupid they now feel. Fuckers.

Can you tell I don't like the Killers?

Hello To My Ickle Windmill!

I've sort of neglected my Ickle Windmill Jason recently so I dedicated my title to him. Even though he totally disagrees with my Killers post as will many but oh well, I don't like them. He says I say I don't like them because I relate with the lyrics, I said I relate to the sex and my boyfriends usually end up becoming obsessive and it's never all fairytale like, like in the Killers. Ewww........I hate the Killers. But I don't hate Jason, I love my Ickle Windmill, he's great.

Anyway, today I stayed in bed until my Ciocia walked in my room this morning, I hate people coming in and snooting round so I sat up and went "Ciocia!" like I was totally pleased to see her......I wasn't, I was tired and wanted to sleep. Anyway she told me about this 70s party she was going to. Ewww. She's wearing an afro wig. Positively scary!

Anyway, I watched Amelie in my room cause that film rules so much, as does American Beauty, Baseketball, A Clockwork Orange and Sid & Nancy. I love those movies. I then decided to stay in my room till about half four, go downstairs, make a cup of tea, drink it (funnily enough) and have a shower. Now I'm all clean, er......yay? Cause you all care about that I'm sure. Anyway, passed all the boring shit, which was basically my whole day I went on the net at 5, James rang soon after (James being my ex biker boyfriend; the one who didn't turn obsessive and weird) and we talked for about an hour and a half. I went for my dinner, when Shaun rang, I sounded all pissed off and told him to ring back at half eight. Ate dinner, went upstairs, James rang back, he was struggling to handle Chloe cause she was being a tired ickle baby and they're slightly annoying when they're tired. Anyway, we talked for another 45 minutes or so, had a good chat. As soon as I put the phone down Shaun rang. Talked to him, how he was doing then he went and I went on the net again cause my evening was so ultra boring. I decided to get all upset over a matter I won't mention here so I had Lyd helping me out, Thom and Shaun texting me telling me that I wasn't a walkover and a dumbass and that I was his beautiful girl and he loved me. Even this got an awww from Lyd, which is rare, well, in my experience. Anyway, I felt so awful I made a bowl of custard. Jason commenting how great custard is and how nice it looked, daft sod.

So now I've just had the greatest bitch about the Killers ever and I'm talking to Thom who was giving me some more games for my mobile and my Ickle Windmill Jason who is getting impatient to his small and pathetic surprise, which is a lot of this blog has him in it.

xXx

Nightmare Before Thursday

Look at my really bad bad play with words. God, I'm glad I have the excuse I'm tired and ill hehe. OK well I had this dream and the beginning bit scared me but then I was just weirded out by the rest. Mother said you're brain is like a computer and it's just processing all the information. She says "to dream is healthy", ooo wise words.......not.

This is how it goes if you can be bothered reading this cause it'll only make any sense to me;
Ciocia was cheated on by my Uncle Eddy and he had left her and run off. My mother and I went over to Ciocia's and picked up Kasia and Ciocia and we all went to Babcia's house. When we were at Babcia's house we were having tea in the kitchen when the back gate just swung open. Everybody stood up, in them were two people I didn't know and put their cups and saucers down and walked outside. I stood in the little walkway between the wall and the house and looked up to Babcia's house. Dziadzia was standing there dressed in a pale blue shirt, a dark blue tank top and black trousers. Dziadzia then waved at me and I waved at Dziadzia until I heard Babcia's shouting something in Polish and I turned away to look and see everyone scurrying back and when I looked up he had gone. When everyone got back in the house it was really weird. You could see a glipse of someone's dark arm and torso cross the mirror although no one was in front of it, cups started going, footsteps upstairs, it was all very frightening. Finally everyone tried running down the hall to the front door because it was getting out of control with flickering lights and as they ran all the electrical appliances were going and you could see a dark apparition run into the front room and one at the top of the stairs.

Anyway, we all finally got outside and ran down the steps and for some reason we went to where to Sacred Heart Church site and where it once stood was just a random, sandy coloured building and there was an enormous porch. Like a long cover coming out to the pavement with two pillars holding up this stone cover sheet. Anyway, we went under that and this random person decided they wanted to race, automated go-kart style and this guy went inside with someone else and produced two automated go-karts. Someone called Tom said that he wanted to race but he wouldn't without wearing a suit. So, I went inside this building with Tom and we found the suits near the front of the building and we chose a black one which came with a white tie. We then went looking for a black shirt, walking past hair things like straightner's and curlers and hairdryers and cosmetics we found 4 shelves on top of each other on the left with shirts on. They were all folded up but the weird thing was some were cake and a random person who was with Tom and I held up this folded up shirt which was actually white chocolate cake with sugar sprinkles. As we looked loads of different items were replaced with different cakes in the shape of the item. We found a black shirt and then my Aunty Maggy who at this point in time has fallen out with my mother came running down the building which for some reason was slightly slanted. She said something weird was happening with her car and so we ran up the building to the top where her car stood on a stretch of road which ran lengthways across the top of the building. The building was that when you walked in it was all shops and things with the aisles not facing you but the ends of the aisles were. Anyway, we looked at the car and the alloys on the wheels had a weird face which swiftly moved across the alloy on the front left hand side. The face was nearly bald, it had a bit of black hair, it's head was slightly tilted down and it's eyes looking up and and a evil long stretched smile reached across it's face. We all ran back down the building to the bottom. Tom tried on his outfit and he looked a bit like a gangster. So then we all just walked out to watch the race. Both Tom and the other random guy got into their automated go-karts and had just set off to race when a guy who I can't remember the face of drove up to the building on a motorbike. He asked if I wanted it and I said "yeah sure". So I sat at the front of the bike and Shaun for some reason came on the back.

We ended up going to the nearest train station and getting the train to Southport, the motorbike being kept on the train with us. When we got to Southport we rode on the motorbike to Formby. Firstly I rode down the street where Katie, Laura & Karen lived and then I turned right. I was passed by a car with Dawn in who's house it was I was going to. I then turned right at the end of the street into Dawn's close. I then stopped and saw Carol, Dawn's mother and Peter Carol's husband. Carol said "Hey Sara. Sorry but Dawn's just gone, she'll be back in a few minutes though". I said ok then a mini Dawn in a swimming costume when she was about 7 came up to me after just putting soil into a bucket cause her mother was gardening and pulled on my arm. I bent down and she said "Kevin thinks you're demented". She giggled and ran back to the garden. I started up the motorbike and drove left then left up the street I had just been up, turned left and left again into Turnacre. I then went to the end where we all used to live and I sat there naming where we all used to live in the street. Then we went back on Deansgate Lane North and went back to Southport where we just boughts loads of CDs from music stores.

For people that aren't to sure, explanations:

Ciocia - Polish for Aunty

Kasia - My cousin

Babcia - Polish for Grandmother

Dziadzia - Polish for Grandfather, now deceased

Polish - All my mother's side are Polish

Tom - Don't have a clue, I know Tom's but I'm not overly familiar with one

Aunty Maggy - Married to Uncle Tony, aren't actually blood relatives. Used to be best friends with my mother before she blew them off after she got what she wanted. Known them since when I was born, still in contact with them.

Shaun - My now boyfriend

Formby - Where I used to live twice

Southport - The nearest big town, where we used to do the main shopping

Katie, Laura & Karen - My ex step dad's former fioncee was called Karen, he split up with her. Her kids were called Katie & Laura. Used to be over the wall neighbours, lived a street away.

Dawn - Used to be very good friends with her when I lived in Formby, known her since she was 6

Carol - Her mother

Peter - Dawn's step dad

Kevin - Awesome friend when living in Formby, also referred to in "Kevin & Steven"

Turnacre - The street I lived in when I lived in Formby

Deansgate Lane North - Just a street that has other streets leading off

xXx

Get Better Soon Lyd!

Yeah there's my tribute title, go me and my tribute title. Poor Lyd, all ill, really ill. Hope she gets better soon as does everyone else :)

Well I went to Shaun's yesterday. He called a taxi for me and he asked if we were going to be up to something and I said no, we're both skint at the moment and he said we'd have to make our own fun. I was all embarrassed and like yeah turning red. Anyway, Shaun and I just watched really weird programs that were on and had a very good time well, not with the programs obviously :D he's such a sweetie. Anyway, in the morning he was stressing cause he does have a lot on his mind so I sorta waited around while he packed. We then got a taxi into the centre of Rawtenstall, I am still all ill at this point. I buy some batteries and a lipsil whatever thingy for him and he buys lunch. Then he calls a taxi for me and then we just stand in the Manchester stop until my taxi comes. Then I jump in the taxi with the guy I had the night before. He asked about last night which I wish he didn't then we talked from where abouts in Liverpool we came from. He was trying to tell me that I didn't live in Liverpool and I said obviously I did cause my address said so. So, then he agreed it was in Liverpool but the outskirts. I said bye to him and went into my house. Man I felt worse for even venturing outside for such little time. I went straight to bed and tried to sleep. Shaun texted me from the train which he so nicely told me how bored he was "might just rip my arm off and see how far down the train I can throw it just for something to do". I then texted him which a lovely song I sang to annoy him once and he sent a lovely text back "Yey! Thank you for the song. You really are not right in the head, that's why I like you x x x x". He then texted me from the tube then when he got to Miluska's. I hope I spelt it right. Anyway, it's his ex g/f's he was staying at with her and her boyfriend. He then said he was going to the pub and that was that really. Then today I woke up feeling worse than before and then got a text from Shaun saying that he got the dates mixed up, he's going to the hospital tomorrow not today so today he went down Camden Market and he's got his right nipple pierced this time so now he has both pierced. He said he'll take me down one day. Anyway, I spoke to Jono yesterday and he said Ben has gone around telling people I went and immediately fucked a guy a picked up in a graveyard. Now I'm starting to get a tad fed up of Ben and his shit spreading, now I know why he may be doing this, I may be wrong but it'll come out if he doesn't quit this.

Saturday I'm being dragged to the cemetary by mother. Only because it's my DEAD grandad's birthday. I tried to highlight the word dead to my mother. My belief's are that there's no point in celebrating a birthday of a dead person. She'll go there father's day, that's understandable. She gave up going on October 1, the anniversary of his death because she said it was morbid. She goes at Christmas, that's ok-ish but birthday. It's not like he'll be there listening in and partying on his birthday, he's dead for Christ's sake's. That really winds me up. I have to waste a Saturday doing something I'll probably hate. Being outside for like 5 minutes already heightens the symptons of me being ill and it pisses me off. I just want it to go now, it's been ages. Well Sunday I'm going to apparently the first of the "the best in the North West" restaurants. My Aunty Maggy and Uncle Tony are taking me to various different restuarants they think are the best of their themes. Firstly we're going to an Indian, they said there's a great Mexican and a nice Thai. Can't wait. But Shaun's not coming back till Saturday or Sunday. If he comes back on Saturday I might be able to sleep that night but if he comes back on Sunday I may not see him till Tuesday :( He's the only boyfriend I seem to give a shit about. Strange, but good.

Anyway today I just tried to sleep after having a nightmare which didn't seem that bad when I remembered it in the morning, anyway, it meant I didn't get to sleep till 7 also cause I was in pain with my throat, it's got worse. At 5-ish I decided to play my Simon the Sorcerer 3D game which I bought and hadn't even touched. I'm halfway through already. So easy.

xXx

"You're lost and jaded,
You're lost and faded.
You've become the sheep you hated.
You're rotten to the core,
Don't believe in you anymore."

Grrrr

You try to fucking apologise to someone for being insanely bitchy and totally out of character and they twist it up and spit it out. Well fuck that - no one is as low as you (lets take a leaf out of your book and call you "un named person"). Anyway who has said so much shit then fucked off an apology should look at themselves and realise yeah, maybe they should quit being a loser so fucking much.

I firstly apologised by text and then she came online and was like "Why did you appologise?" like it was a big bad thing to do, be civil you know. So I explained it was totally not nice of me to be so unbelievably bitchy and it was cause I was going through a tough time and my heads all screwed, specially after my mother. Despite me saying I don't care, well I don't not after what she's done but I care to an extent, like I do about anyone, even Martin even though he really doesn't deserve it cause he's a fucker. Even I don't want him to be insanely beat up or something. Anway so I explained about my mother and how it made me all angry and pissed off and more screwed up then I already am and she had the fucking cheek to say "so you appologised to me because you felt bad about your mother" NO DID I SAY THAT!!! That's totally low, I was being nice and apologising cause I realised I was out of order and she twists it up and spits it out and says THAT. Grrr.....that's low coming from anyone, spitting out an apology like that. Just how low can this girl go? I'm sure we'll see, and she's calls me bitchy, that's a laugh, she should look at herself. Not great now is she, huh?
So I decided to reply with a very good reply "fuck off if you're just going to twist it up and spit it out. It was an apology, get over it". It's short and sweet and tells her that what she did was wrong and people can actually just apologise. But Miss Analitical (yeah like do I give a frig if it's spelt wrong) decided to choose to pick this up, make up some conspiracy theory up or something and give it out as totally wrongly analyzed evidence. She then came out with some bullshit that made me laugh; "i'm not, you have never appogised to me before and it caught me off guard" yes I'm sure. Never. Der, she really hadn't been a good friend if she never actually ever bothered listening to when I did. Talk about selective memory. Anyway, so I said "I have apologised to you before, you just haven't listened before" which is true, if she had then she would of heard it insted of lying and pretending that "sorry" has never parted out of my lips before; then, believe it or not more bullshit came out. "thats rich coming from you!" Yes I'm so sure of that un named person, I haven't sat there for hours listening to numerous problems of yours, ever. Just because you'd like the whole world to believe you're so unique and special that no one could ever understand the complex problems you have in your good life doesn't mean no one listened. Errr........get over yourself.

Right I'm just going to go to Shaun's cause he's off to London for a few days before I bubble over with anger. God.......people piss me off.

xXx

Well the past few days have been weird. Managed to wind Joe and Kate up to fuck, highly amusing yet felt a tad cruel afterwards. But it was amusing. Anyway, yesterday I came back from Shaun's still full of flu and dying in the morning and saw my mother looking happy and I thought to myself this is totally unlike her seen as she's just been in hospital for aggges. Anyway, she gave me a hug and told me she missed me. It was at this point I realised how drugged up she is. She then told me she had planned to kill herself, it was bad enough hearing she was in hospital, that fucked my head up. I was there crying my eyes out when I was at Shaun's when I heard she was ill enough to be hospital worthy, which got me angry which made me lash out at Kate and Joe which I shouldn't have but totally helped me in the short run. Anyway, I heard she was going to kill herself and then I was like woah, I didn't realise I was such a shit child. Anyway, my mother just acts like she's stoned constantly and it's pretty scary. She told me to stay off college until next week when she can be certain my flu's definately gone. Ben has told people he's seen me downtown though but he can't of cause I've been in bed all ill for a week and a half and the half a week before that I had a black eye and refused to leave the house. Now people think I'm not ill and I'm faking it, pfft, if you could seen the comotion that happened at like 3 in the morning a few days ago. I couldn't breathe cause my windpipe was blocked and the NHS was called and they wanted me to go to Burnley General and I was like yeah like I can get there, well it wasn't me who rang, it was Shaun and so they came to me. I wasn't given some funky little pills and examined, it helped really quickly and I could breathe again. Anyway, people like erm KATE who said I wasn't ill and could easily go into college can get lost, even the doctor told me not to go in till it's completely gone so no it wasn't ok to just waltz in to college and no I can't help it if I became ill at all cause like it's all my fault.

Anyway now my mother has gone to take Colin to hospital because he has a disease which means his mind is deteriorating and which means he's getting slower everytime. She's sleeping there tonight so I'm going to Shaun's cause he's going to hospital in London on Wednesday and so I'll make sure he's ok. Is it any wonder it all gets on top of me, my mother has MS which means she can get really bad and I know it's not her fault but it's really stressful and she gets to the point of suicide, my ex step dad has a disease which means he really isn't who he used to be and you have to be patient, a grandmother who has dementia which is really difficult on everyone emotionally, I try and stay strong for my mother and aunty cause it's their mother. Why does everyone have to be ill, it's not good at all. Course I'm going to get stressed over it, it's like everyone around me is dying off.

That's it really. My life isn't wonderful at the moment, it isn't really bad like it has been though. Hopefully I'll be well again soon so I can go back to college and get on with doing something insted of being stuck doing nothing. Then it should be ok again. Hopefully my mother won't get so bad as to try suicide and that everyone won't take everything the wrong way as they always tend on doing. They'll pick something out and start ranting and raving about it and being a tosser, well don't bother. If you have any heart you'll see what has been written and leave it. I don't seen your mother about to kill herself with your perfect family all in a mess. Your life isn't as bad as you make out it is. Mine definately isn't as bad, mine's sorting itself out from what it was, soon it'll be ok again. But as well as me, my mother needs to get her head sorted out and when we've moved we need to sort our lives out again. I'm not looking forward to moving, I hate moving in fact, it's just annoying and it screws everything up. If it screws it all up again I don't know how I'll end up coping. Why can't I just stay in one place. Anyway, I know a few people that will be happy I won't be living near them, they'll see it as a way to get away from me, yeah well you got what you want.

xXx

Writ Is A Word

Writ is a word, take away the r and it leaves something you'll never have

Well New Year's Eve was funny. Lyd came over and then we went downtown to get some alcohol, they ran out of Sambooka :( we got Martini, Beer, Bailey's and some other stuff I can't remember. Man, I have a bad memory. We got back to mine, drank, smoked and sang karaoke, as you do lol. We recorded loads of shit on video camera. Anthony came about 10 and we were like woo. He was already slightly drunk after drinking half a bottle of champagne. When Anthony came the house got truely trashed. For 3 people, we made one hell of a fucking mess. We ended up singing Queen and Abba karaoke (from videos from Colin and my mother). When it got to about 5 to midnight we set up the camera and just messed about then when it got to midnight we set off all the party poppers and drank our bubbly. We then paraded outside still with the camera and sang at the top of our voices. Anthony split my bubbly : pfft! Anyway, we went on a little walk. We went up to Alder Grange and walked about and broke into the quad. We then decided in our drunkness to be "rebels" huh, yea and smoke in school. I don't think it counts now. We then went about for a bit then went to the cemetary. I walked round cause my skirt was too short to be climbing over walls in. So I walked up and saw Lyd and Anthony running at me saying they saw and heard something and I was like ok. I joined in with the whole drunk group paranoia thing even though I had no idea what was going on. We walked up and then I saw someone in the distance and said happy new year as we went past them then we had the idea to go back and talk to them. We recorded meeting them, his name was Shaun Taylor. We talked to him for a bit then Anthony gestured me over cause he wanted to tell me something. I lent over and he whispered that we should take Shaun back with us. So I asked him and then we all went off to my house. See, how dangerous, we pick up goths in cemetarys and take them home in our drunkeness. Ant and Lyd got over the wall and Shaun helped me up and bloody groped my ass : I was like hmm.......I'm sure that was a mistake. He later informed me, well he informed me yesterday that it wasn't a mistake. We walked up to mine and we watched our footage and poor Shaun was all ill after drinking too much black vodka and absinthe. Lol. Anyway I tried to go to sleep except people kept coming in and waking me up. So I gave up. The doorbell rang and Lyd and Ant ran up and shouted "someone's at the door". So I dragged myself downstairs and opened the door to.........Ben. They could of opened to door themselves lol. Anyway, Ben came in all happy and I decided to go and talk to Shaun upstairs. So then we went downstairs and chilled out. Ben kept asking an annoying question and Lyd kept playing messenger which was even more annoying. To get away from it all I smoked at the back door and Shaun came along and did the same thing and we talked at the back door with cries of "Sara, where the fuck are you" from Lid Marmy dearest :P. Then I sat on the couch and fucking Shaun jumped on me and started kissing me I was like woah :. Anyway, we all went to watch a movie in my bedroom which now has 2 TVs cause that's essential in any room isn't it? That night Shaun slept in the same bed as me, Ben went home cause he was really upset about something, but he forgot the video I gave him! Lyd and Ant slept on the spare bed. At about 3 or 4 in the afternoon Shaun and I gave Anthony money for a taxi cause we didn't want him walking and Lyd rang her house and got a lift. Shaun and I spent to day doing fuck all really. He did make some bacon sandwiches at about 10 though and then we went to bed about 11. I'm not a slut just hmm...........well, I'm not lol :P

The next day I went to sleep at Shaun's and we watched movies. We went to get some food on the 3rd cause there was nothing, we went to the Co-Op and saw his mother which was embarrassing. As we were walking back this girl came up to me and asked my name I said "Sara" and she asked my second name and I said "why" and she went on about me calling her a slag. I told her I didn't fucking know who she was then we carried on walking and then she swung me round and punched me in the eye, it didn't hurt at all and I just stood there like a robot. You can never show weakness cause then they think they've won. Anyway, Shaun grabbed her round the waste and threw her, and I mean, threw her into the road. All her little scallie shitty friends tried to come after him but they're just tossers and were scared. Anyway, I went into the nearest shop and the man inside the shop went out to check the little bitches had fucked right off. Anyway, we stayed in the shop until Shaun's mother arrived and we got a lift back to his. His mother went and I went inside, I was still pretty fucking shocked. Anyway, Shuan made something to eat and gave me these painkillers which made my pain vanish and for me to act like I was drunk. Twas funny more than anything. Anyway, I ate this thing he made, he's a very good cook and we went upstairs and chilled out and watched movies. Kate rang up and I couldn't fucking understand why she bothered ringing or texting me. She said she broke friends with me so why doesn't she just go? I got a lift back in the morning with his sister Gemma (who actually worked at Tufties before she moved salons, small world) and then in the evening went back again and slept over again lol. Today has been the only day spent apart since New Year's Eve, which is kinda weird but in a cool way. I kinda gave up eating, not on purpose, but accident. Well, I've been eating less and less, everytime Shaun cooks a meal I end up eating half and maybe finishing it off later. It's kinda weird. Oh yeah, about Shaun. He's like 6ft 3 or 4 or something, he's got black hair which was a mullet until a cut a bit off the back lol, he has a pierced eyebrow, lip, tongue and nipple and he's getting the other nipple done and maybe the tip of his tongue, taken from Itchi the Killer. He has a piercing at the top of his left shoulder meaning freedom or something and lyrics on either forearm. He's really strong and really sweet. And he's 23, everyone seems to be worried about that but so far it's ok. But I thought about it in a sick way, when I was 10 he was 16, now that's wrong. But it's easier when you're about my age.

Anyway, today I finally read this e-mail Kate was going on about. It went on about how we shouldn't be friends, Shaun read it and said it sounded like someone was going through a divorce. Then he started talking to his dad while I was playing Solitaire. The e-mail just said stuff like she wasn't going to judge me but this and that blah blah fucking blah. She obviously is fucking judging me inside, the only difference is when I fucking judge people I say it and don't hide it and fuck people off. Anyway, it ended with like don't hate me or something and a fucking x at the end which was totally fucking unbelievable, you don't x people after saying that. It doesn't piss me off, just the pure nature of it and the way it was writ. It needed a structure, it needed to be spell checked and proof read and the grammar needed to be sorted. Yeah, I will pick at things lol. I then played Simon the Sorcerer 2 for a bit then went online and talked to Shaun and Miss Sara. Tomorrow if I'm better Shaun and I are planning to watch my movies that came yesterday (Itchi the Killer and the Asian version of The Grudge, thanks to Wayne), eat Chinese and get drunk. Sounds like a good plan, get all shit off my mind. Anyway, I might stay the weekend. Fuck knows what we'll do. Well yeah, there are my few days.

xXx

And for good fucking measure. There's shit that means fuck all to anyone, then there's Martin Peel. Cause no one gives a flying fuck about him. He's nothing. He's nobody.