Well, It's Been An Eventful Few Days

Well Tuesday was a boring day apart from the evening. I was watching Hollyoaks and about 7 my mother rang my grandmother as per usual because she's old and dementia has set in so everyone checks on her everyday. I went on the net on and off and about half 9ish my aunty rang my mother and explained that for the last 2 hours she was trying to get through but there was no answer. It's not like my grandmother at all to go to bed between 7 and 8pm. Now at this stage my Aunty, mother and myself were getting quite worried because my grandmother had also been ill with a stomach bug and this other weird thing. We thought she may have gone to the outside toliet to be sick and fallen in the dark and because she's old and frail she would really damage herself. My mother and I decided (even after drinking a few glasses of wine) we had no alternative but to drive over to Accrington because my Aunty doesn't drive. So we got over there looked round the house but there were no lights on and we couldn't get in so we phoned my Aunty then went over to hers to pick her up. We drove back again and my Aunty tried her key but the safety chain was on, what my grandmother does if she doesn't expect anyone else. I then gave my Aunty my phone and she rang the police. One policeman came and he said they'd have to knock the door in, my Aunty was like oooo and I was like "cool" inside although I was more worried about my Grandmother, hoping she wasn't dead. The policeman then called his sargent and the sargent came down and asked if we wanted to go up to the house with him (at this point we were in the car) we all said yes. So we followed him up the steps to the door and he got this big red thing out and then it was just like the police. My Aunty and Mother looked away while I looked on in awe, it was like a scene from the Bill. Colin later said he was surprised I wasn't there with my video camera filming, I told him it was a tad insensitive. They got in the first door, then the second, my Aunty then flew upstairs as fast as her legs would carry her. She shouted Mama and I little old, grey lady said Yes in Polish. We all sighed with relief and the police sargent said he hadn't been so relieved to hear a voice. I thanked him and he left. The policeman brought the damage to the doors to us, it was only a broken chain and bolt holder which I then fixed back on. I just wish they'd all stop calling me handy, it's an awful thing to call me. Anyway, my grandmother was totally unfazed by all of this, the normal Babcia would of shouted at us all for being stupid, but the senile Babcia was completely unfazed like she didn't know where she was. That upset me quite a lot. We then went into the kitchen and at about 2 in the morning my mother and I went home leaving Ciocia to either stay at Babcia's or get a taxi home.

On Wednesday at about 2 Kate came round and we just messed around and watched my first recording on the video camera. It was a whole 62 minutes long. Poor Kate she was bored senseless. We ate quality streets, pringles and dip dab's. I gave her money for a taxi and sent her on her way at about 6 ish. That was it was really.

Well Thursday was also kind of eventful. I woke up to then having to run downstairs to answer the house phone, it was Kate. I then went upstairs, had a shower etc. and hung about in the pjamas. My mother came home and then I just went upstairs and tidied my room again lol. I seem to be doing more than enough tidying. The doorbell rang, I stood on the bath and peered out the window to see who it was. It was in fact, the great Lid Marmy, Anthony and his boyfriend Ben. I got changed in about 5 or 10 minutes and went downstairs and gave them all Dip Dab's. It's a big thing now, the Dip Dab's. After a bit of just hanging about we walked about for a bit then went up to Lyd's. We sat at her dining room table and talked then they had the idea of going up to the forest. I thought this was an awful idea because it had been raining and it would be all muddy and slippy. I went with them regardless but when I saw the state of the ground (full of mud) I decided against it and said I would go home. As I was walking down Haslingdon Old Road I heard a "Sara, come back". So I phoned Anthony and he said I was being sensible. So I walked back then they decided to go up the rocky path. So we set off and then when we were about 2 minutes from my Aunty Maggy and Uncle Tony's house where the path is next too Anthony said he couldn't be bothered. So we walked past my Aunty's and Uncle's and we went down the hill, past the dam (which was totally overflowing badly) and then we said bye to Ben who went to the bus station and we waited at the bus stop with Anthony. You know what was weird, there was a fridge in the bus stop. I thought it was so random that I took a picture of it and I'll post it on a site. We said bye to Anthony then Lyd and I went back up to hers. We went into the dining room and sat and talked for ages. We then ventured up into Lyd's room. We made mini videos of us singing karaoke to Balamory. It was really funny. We seemed to let time go loads. Then Lyd's mother (who is also Polish and also called Krysia like my mother) came in and asked if I wanted to stay for dinner. I accepted her offer and then about half six I think we went down for dinner. At the table was Lyd's mother and father, her brother Alex and herself and myself. It was a really yummy vegetable soup thing and bread. It was really nice, compliments to whichever chef it was. Lyd and I then went upstairs again and just messed around. Got into a big arguement with Kate. I was telling her how Kim's just walking all over her, she's a user and she dumped Kate because she felt she didn't need her anymore, just ignored her, without even telling her and now she has no friends again she thought she'd pick on the most vunrable one who'd take her back. Like I said to Kate, I only care even though she told me not to. Kim is just like my mother, she uses people for a purpose that suits her then dumps then when it suits her. That's why both my mother and Kim have no friends. Kate didn't believe me of course, she doesn't want to see the truth. She said she did see it but if she truely did then she'd know that she'd just be going into her trap to get hurt. Sometimes I even think that she wants to get hurt. She says it's called "seeing the best in people", I think it's called "wanting things back the way they were". Kim was just horrible to Kate though, she just uses her and Kate can't or probably won't see it. I then said if I hadn't stood up to my mother I'd still be being abused now. Also with the bullies, and the perverts and everyone. I'd be shy, still being beaten. I'm still being emotionally blackmailed now, several people have told me and unlike Kate, I don't wait and see if I get hurt anymore to live my life and make my choices. It's just dumb, I don't fancy being hurt anymore so some things my mother says I ignore. But some things she says justs gets to me badly and I can't ignore it, but I do my best. I'm not going to sit around getting hurt just to live my own life and make my decisions. Sometimes, you take people's advice, because it's for the best, and you know if people advise you or tell you something's just wrong they care and they want the best. Some people just can't see that and it's like they want to have the independence because they haven't been given it. It's just a road to hurt. People who don't know should take advice from people who do, or else, it's just ignorant. Anyway, I told Kate about the emotional stuff about the abuse and she had the fucking cheek to say "I bet your both saying how pathetic I am and laughing". I fucking blew up then, how dare she say that, after all the stuff about being abused, it's something to fucking laugh at!!! I then burst into tears, I thought, how could Kate go as low as that. No one could go that low. Yeah Kate, being abused is a total laugh, I joke about it all the fucking time don't I. Yeah sure. I'd like to see you go through it and laugh about it. Some things you can go through life and laugh about, but there's just some you can't. It's too low to say somebody would laugh at that. How dare she. She then said "well if she thinks tears will get her an apology she can think on" or something along those lines. Lyd blew up as well. I was crying because I couldn't believe anybody would say anything about laughing at an abused person. And no I haven't took it out of proportion, if I had the conversation I'd show you. Well Kate, lets all laugh at abused people, lets see the millions of people agree with you on that one. Not even I'm that low. It's just sick what she said. She then decided to have a few days away from everyone which probably means in my now worked up state that she's doing a Kim and fucking off. Well, I definately deserve an apology for laughing at abused people. No matter how paranoid you are you NEVER say that ever. And that does owe a big fucking apology, no matter how you feel it doesn't, believe me, it does. Anyway Lyd and I tried to cheer ourselves up after that thing happened. We had Martini's, I had a couple of glasses and we both had toast which was a bit burnt but nice all the same. I left Lyd's at about 1 in the morning. I walked home. When I got home it was about 25 to 2 and I was drenched, had a cold but was fine. I e-mailed Lyd to tell her I was ok. I had a cup of tea and came on the computer.


Final Thought or bitch (again)

People who have been abused have gone through a lot. This could be sexual abuse, emotional or physical. All as bad as each other, and no laughing matter. Anybody who even assumes that (who hasn't experienced it) should never say that. It's not even a passing joke type of matter. I don't think people who haven't experienced it first hand really know what they are saying. Maybe they should talk to people about it, then maybe they'll realise the extent of the damage being done saying that. Yes you can say many things, insult in many ways, but there are some places you just don't go; and abuse is one of them. No one who would ever talk about it in details without at least some co-operation from the other person. No matter how angry the other person is, abuse is never a laughing matter and no matter how angry they are, they should never say anything about that. I don't think Kate know's what she has done saying that to me then refusing to apologise. Bottom line, just don't joke about it or say anyone is doing.....ever.

xXx

The Remaining Things To Say

Christmas Eve was a pleasant and relaxing day until I had to change out of my PJs and get dressed into an uncomfortable outfit and wobble about in 5 inch heels to the Ranger to be driven to the service stations. Filming everything as I went, got some cool shots. We arrived at the service station and the horrific image of Christmas (my mother) was standing there smiling like a Cheshire Cat. Was positively scary. I had to go into the service toliets to put on tights which was not easy in those cubicules. I then had £5 shoved into my hand and was ordered to go to McDonalds. I was like ooook. I protested but then I was told to go so I did. I got McDonalds, transferred my things from Colin's Ranger to Mother's ickle Clio and then my mother and I were on our way to the cemetary. We got to the cemetary and I had to tell my mother which right turn to turn out to get to the Polish section. I got out of the car, freezing cold and stood there while mother lit a candle for Diadzia. We then made our way back to the car and drove to Babcia's. Babcia is even more senile than before, it's really weird. Everyone was argueing and such like and it was such a bore. I waited around reading and getting extremely bored then Ciocia and Kasia arrived. Great I thought, something to entertain me but it turns out that Kasia has turned into a spoilt brat as my mother said. She is horrible. She gave me so much cheek so I was really annoyed at her and ignored her when she wanted something. I'm not being treated like that from my cousin, so then I read and listened to my mp3 player on full blast while I had the annoying 7 year old shouting at me and kicking me to get my attention. Horrible little child, she kept saying "but you're my best cousin, Sara, SARA!" Finally it was ready for the Polish meal I had been dreading. First it was "holy" bread that we had each and let everyone take a bit of it wishing them all the best and kissing them. It's so boring. Then came the soup and Polish bread and normal bread. Both the soup and the bread (not the Polish one) was quite nice, I knew I wouldn't eat the next course so I had more soup. Then everyone else had bigos (which is cabbage and mushrooms and well it's horrible) and they also had fish (which I don't eat). So I carried on munching on my bread. Then I was told to go check is some weird Polish guy had come (Father Christmas' friend, for Kasia obviously). I went to go luck and wow, just as I had suspected. He had arrived and funnily enough he brought the same gifts that my mother and my aunty put in the front room. Funny that. We went in the front room and handed out presents. Kasia got shitloads being a kid, my Uncle got lots of alcohol, my aunty got a t-shirt or something, earrings and some other stuff and I can't remember what my mother got. I got a CD Rack (which I've found out I really really don't like because it doesn't hold the CDs right and I have more than 60 CDs obviously) and my Babcia gave me some money, then forgot she did (because she's senile) so she gave me more money. I filmed all this, makes shit viewing. It was to shut the kid up. Then my mother and I finally left at about 9 (we needed to get out of there as soon as possible because it absolutely stunk of rotting eggs or rats or something. My mother said this was because when she cleaned out the fridge last week there was stuff that had gone off last year). We then had a nice drive home, we got home sorted out my mother cakes and drank wine then we had a present opening session. Because we're Polish we have a right to open some presents earlier :D I got a Bush Audio System with speakers which is ok-ish. My mother opened one of hers, some orgasmic shower moose so she could smell nice for the next day. We went to bed about midnight, my mother still pestering me about how she wanted to listen to HIM and I had Silverchair on.

In the morning I was woken up at half 7 and I went downstairs and had some alcohol then went upstairs, got showered and dressed then at half 10 we were ready to go. So we drove to Colin's. I sat there reading, which I was shouted at and said it was Christmas, I shouldn't read, but there wasn't much else to do. Then finally when all the food was cooking nicely we went to open presents. Everything I got from Colin was alcohol based which was amusing and my mother gave me shit stocking fillers like socks, chewing gum and well other shit things. She gave me an alarm clock she said jumped up and down and all it did was sound a little buzzing noise, it was awful. She also got me this watch/bangle. It looks like an oversized bangle and if you open it slightly you get totally scratched to death and you can see a clock face. I don't wear it, it hurt too much. It was a nice thought but in all honesty, my mother can't buy good presents. Then I just sorted watched TV and did nothing until Colin's best friend Terry and his wife Susannah arrived. They're really nice people and I was glad that Colin had nice friends to spend Christmas with. I opened some champagne (we had loads of bottles) and then we toasted. My mother went over the top and said "to health, wealth, stealth, wealth and lots more wealth". I'm sure I was going to shoot her. Then I went back to just chilling out and watching TV. Then the doorbell rang and Colin went to answer it then I was called into the kitchen to say hi to Red. I greeted Red then went back to the living room. Red came in and we talked for a bit and he was actually quite a cool guy. Got on fairly well with him. Terry and Susannah and Red opened their presents. Terry got a flying saucer (which I helped choose), Susannah got a Botanics bath set and Red got a beer mug and beer. Finally, after waiting all day at about half 4 the food came. For starters we had a Stilton soup which was really nice. The next courses were just the vegetables, meat, which I didn't eat much of and then no one could manage dessert and my mother was too pissed to serve dessert. We all went to the lounge where Terry and Susannah fell asleep on the sofa, ultra pissed Christina on the other couch. Colin, Red and I played Trivial Pursuit but didn't get very far. I filmed Red and Colin and took pictures of them to show Kate because Kate was also curious about Red when I mentioned this guy I never met before I was spending Christmas with. I sent the picture of Red to Kate. At 8:15 Red had to go because he was going out. He had asked me if I wanted to and I said I had nothing suitable to wear (which was true). He then left. He came back when Terry and Susannah had woken up, (Terry & Colin) were playing a trick on my mother telling them I had gone with Redmond, then they started to annoy me ( I was hiding behind a wall) and they were saying, "I'm going to be best man" "Let's keep it in family" (By the way, we're not related) and they were being all horrible saying things. Then half an hour later Red came back for some reason after going to the house. He asked Terry for some money and he said no then he went again and I said bye to him then he took my phone off me and put his number in and told me to tell him how Rawtenstall was. I was like oook and then I texted him later and told him I wish I went with him cause everyone was asleep and it was really boring. I then went to bed about 2 or 3 in the morning, having more alcohol than everyone else but still not drunk.

Boxing Day was boring. Went downstairs, had a piece of toast for breakfast and Colin was there sorting out yesterday's goose for a goolash or something odd like that, apparently it's like a stew. I just watched TV for most of the day. In the afternoon Terry and Susannah came over. Terry was asking me about Red and saying he was glad I didn't go with Red. I said why and he told me that Red hadn't come back the night before and that he would of killed him if I hadn't got back last night. But then it was added that Red would of looked after me if I had gone. Terry and Susannah stayed and ate with us. I had roast potatoes which were delicious. I also was given half a pizza cause I didn't have much to eat. Then people had desserts and I just drank more beer again lol. Then we watched Catch Me If You Can. It was a really good film. Then Red came to pick up his parents. Colin made me go and close the gate so I hobbled out in his flip flops in the cold snow and Red was obviously forced to come out of his car and talk to me. He asked when I was going back, I said tomorrow morning and he said 'oh ok' and then he said he hoped I had a good Christmas and he hopes I have a Good New Year. He then said I have his number and e-mail and to keep in touch. We then gave the annoying "kiss on the cheek" goodbye which was all forced by both parents. Poor Red for being forced to talk to me. Poor me for having to get embarassed for parents amusement. I then went inside, watched Most Haunted and "When Ghosts Attack" which were both hilarious then I put on MTV and went upstairs and watched "True Life: I'm Obese" then Cribs with Dave Berry and Naomi Campbell then I gave up and went to sleep.

This morning I woke up at half 10 being lazy. I went downstairs and had juice to drink. Immediately my mother started having a go and picking at anything she could. She turned off Kerrang Killer 20! which I was watching and said, "we don't want that infernal racket on" so i gulped down my breakfast so fast I felt sick just to get away from her having a go at me all the time. I brushed my teeth, had a shower, packed and got changed. I demanded my £100 that she refused to give me back. I then gave Colin £120 for part of my camera back and he paid for the rest then I claimed I was broke so he gave me £20. Yay I thought, £80 in spare change. Kate rang and I had a nice half hour talk with her. I took all my stuff downstairs, got all my other stuff lying about and then put it in the car. I was given a crate of beer yum :D and a Chang beer. I then said goodbye to Colin and drove back from the ultra warm Formby to the freezing cold, icy Lancashire. You could tell we had got into Lancashire, as we travelled along in the car the sides of the road suddenly became whiter and whiter. As soon as we got into Rossendale there was snow everywhere. It was so pretty. I texted Red and told him what the weather was like cause he wanted to know and I sent him a picture. The view was fit for a postcard. It is icy cold though. We got all our stuff inside and when we were inside it was so cold. I had three layers on, a scarf and gloves cause I was freezing cold. I watched Mickey Mouse's Christmas Carol and the Muppets Christmas Carol. I then came upstairs set up the CD rack, got the jist it isn't really safe because if it fell forward only a tiny bit all the CD's fell out. So I've decided I'll buy my own CD Racks which are all nice and safe. I then went downstairs, sorted out something for my mother and came here and wrote this big essay. Go me. That's it really. So now I'm cold, hungry and CD Rack-less listening to Dan's radio station which doesn't work for me and my slow dial-up.

OK so that was my last few days. Goodbye
xXx

Christmas Spirit..........Or Lack Of

Hello there. It's been a while (for me) for posting. On Tuesday Colin (who I have half made up with) came round to my house to collect our old (and better) christmas tree and to get some decorations. I went with him back to Formby. I spent a slightly boring few days with Colin. Drinking different beers every night never got boring but eventually got tedious. I've been drinking far too much that I am used to since I came here. We've started drinking at about 1 or 2 in the afternoon and carrying on all night. On the Wednesday we went to Macro and got Terry's present, and lots of nice random things. Macro is cool. On the Thursday I went to a restaurant called the Tai Pan. I tried everything, not what I particularly wanted but hey. I tried chicken feet (which was actually quite nice), squid (was ok but boring), baby squid (which I nearly puked up) and lots of other Chinese culinary delights. It was kinda cool. Apologises for the ultra short blog, the next one will be a lot bigger, I'm sure

Right a reminder to self: write blog about Xmas Eve, Xmas Day w/Red, Terry & Susannah and then Boxing Day

xXx

An E-Mail From The Worthless Asshole Martin

From: "martin p"
To: flowerpunk@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: i actually laugh at you
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2004 20:44:27 +0000
i laugh at you. haha. you seem 2 have a problem with letting things go. clingy as well as suicidal. i was told, by a few people who went 2 ure school that u always claimed u were suicidal. clearly u weren't. When i told them (and a few others) that u claimed u were raped, they laughed at you, because you are making it up. that is sad. you seem to have an OCD with lying so you can get sympathy. truly pathetic!!!! you were not raped and you were never suicidal, so why did you have to lye about it??? freak!!! it's so pathetic, really, it is. even if you were raped, (big IF) you probably deserved it for being a fucking whore
(they also said that you made up half ure boyfriends for attention, which everybody now knows). i don't much care about ure little blog. in fact, the fact that u have an online diary to talk to is so sad. you try to get sympathy, and u probably do. people will realise soon enough though.
tell your dopey, ugly friend Kate by the way, I said hi.
I'm quite sure that you'll put this email on your ure little blog as well, then you'll just have proved my point.
Bye bye, u worthless cunt who lies about being raped.
see ya soon, darling. x

Yes well I did put it in my blog to show how unbelievably pathetic you are, how much you actually lie and how stupid you must be. Everyone knows people who say that are obviously liars themselves. Just gave yourself away there dipshit? Here's my reply;

Well maybe the people you talked to know fuck all about me. No one at that school did except my best friends. A lot of them were just twised two faced people. I never once claimed to anyone I was suicidal, in fact, no one knew. Except Anthony, Lyd, Kate, Oliver and Joe and I'm pretty sure you didn't speak to them so once again Martin, you're bullshitting. We can see straight through you.

How would they know if I was raped. I didn't even live in Rossendale when it happened so I don't know what bullshitting people you have been talking to but they know nothing as you do. You know nothing I went through in my past, and neither does anyone else. Those people you talked to don't know me, never have done. At most I'd say hi, they'd know nothing cause I wouldn't say anything to them. Stop lying Martin, I know you are.

I made up my boyfriends? Yeah sure. Because the bullshitting know-it-all's you talked to never saw me out with people makes it all up does it? Yeah well funnily enough the boyfriend's I have had I've actually gone out with and known. You are so sad. You're the one who claims to be a manwhore and you've only slept with 1 person, what sad idiot says that? You are truely stupid.

Through that e-mail being posted you can actually tell you're basically lying, because people who know me know the facts, they've heard it from my mother and she's not going to lie. You're the one who has a compulsion to lie. You're dad, yeah you probably do live with him just like you said you did. Telling everyone you were abused by him? I'm sure, why lie that he's with you then. Why lie to everyone that you were abused? Why pretend you've quit your job because of the hassle of Emma Bateman who probably doesn't even exist and you're actually still a virgin, you just like the attention of pretending you're going to be a dad. You're pathetic, you probably live with your dad, are a virgin and well, we all know you're a compulsive liar. Don't make up lies about other people to cover up your own lies. You'll only get found out.

P.S. (from last blog)

Well Kate and I sure had Martin fooled. We decided Friday night I think to make Martin believe that he was talking to a girl from his sixth form called Sarah Brinksman. Now Kate and I went to high school with Brinky and she is a little bitchy but she's ok and definately not desperate enough to go out with, I quote from Kate "a duck lookey-likey". We were texting Martin for ages, btw he asks far too many questions about poor Brinky. He was saying "I hope ur not friends with that psyco sarah" as I've told him time and time again it's SARA not SARAH! He never did learn.

When he rang Kate put on a really fake American accent it was hilarious. We lied and said the only day we could meet him was Saturday night because we were going to Sweden (it was either that or Holland) for Xmas to "Brinky's" father's mother. Anyway, he was going to meet up with "Brinky" but he wouldn't come to Rawtenstall because he thinks that if "Brinky" was actually friends with "psycho Sara" then they'd do to him what he promised to them. So apparently Kate and I were going to beat him up and kill him. Are we capable of that? He was perfectly willing to meet her in Bury though, oh, the same thing could be done. Maybe he's just incredibly stupid!

"Brinky" and Martin (martinpeel1@hotmail.com) had a great little talk with each other and Martin became besotted with "Brinky". Here are some of the classics of the convo:

met this girl. wonder what she’s like!! starting to like her though says: its fuzzi so i cnt reali see it. not bad tho. lol
^^ Ha
hes got a brand new car, looks like a jaguar, its got leather seats, its got a cd player says: u mite wana attack me
^^ oh we do

met this girl. wonder what she’s like!! starting to like her though says: y rawtenstall met this girl. wonder what she’s like!! starting to like her though says: y wud i do that. have u not red my screen name
^^ Yes, it's sick
met this guy, he's red hot, im likin him loads says:
anyway ur profile says u hav a realli nice g/f who u fink its gonna wrk with, do u?
^^ Like the name change?
met this girl. wonder what she’s like!! starting to like her though says: no, but i mite av soon
met this guy, he's red hot, im likin him loads says: who
met this girl. wonder what she’s like!! starting to like her though says: i'll speak 2 u tmrw then. btw, it'd be u.
^^ Ewww gross!

Anyway, in the end Kate and I came clean and I think he just felt offended he actually believed everything. He then kept saying "bye bye" which is really sad and pathetic and we did it to get back at him. We kept saying we're not dead yet but he said "who sed it wont happen" er.....idol threats once again. Martin Peel is a loser, he'd consider going out with someone who appeared so fake, come on, SWEDON! She wouldn't meet him in Bury, she was odd, way too different to be real.

So yeah, thank you Sarah Brinksman for knowing us and letting us use you. You never know, Martin actually may like you, but you're not that desperate.........are you?

p.s. Yes I did do this to get back at him, he even threatened to kill us again, idol threats Martin, as per usual. Just shut up. No one wants to hear your lying shit any more.

Well Hello

Hey there. Well Dan and I managed to fall out I said something jokily to him, he blew up, took it the wrong way and said "Dan: well before i answer that, why dont you shut the fuck up making me feel bad about myself? i never rudely went". I don't think that's something you say to your enemies, never mind your friends. Anyway he won't apologise so we've forgotten the friendship. I would apologise, even if I didn't think I was in the wrong (of course I wouldn't say that).

Anyway, I was texting Aunty Maggy and Uncle Tony asking what each of them wanted for Xmas, I've bought Aunty Maggy a book and a little teddy and Uncle Tony an Ultimate Kylie CD (which was embarrasing to buy). I didn't tell my mother, she'd shout at me because she fell out with them. She took them for granted, they bought her a DVD player when they were still £100 and no one else had one and she complained about it constantly, it's never good enough for her. Aunty Maggy and Uncle Tony have always been overly generous to me. They even bought me a computer in 2002, I was like WOW! It wasn't shabby either, it was top of the range. Screw my mother.

Saturday I organized a mini Xmas party with Kate. I prepared loads of food when my mother was sleeping at a friends, it took forever I can tell you. It was all sorted and looked pretty good, I'll post a picture of the table and things another time I took with my phone. Kate came over, we ate some food (my mother decided to join us cause she was hungry, I'll post a picture of her looking drugged up), we then had opening present time. I gave Kate, a Rocky Horror DVD, The Zutons CD (they suck so badly), a Necklace and two Candles. And I bought all the food and prepared it for the party and I bought the crackers and the party poppers. Kate got me a Pink Floyd, The Wall DVD I asked for. After food and present opening we went downstairs and put "Mickey Mouse's Very Merry Christmas Songs" on and we sang Karaoke and recorded it onto a tape. We played the tape at the end and because I forgot to put the pitch up we sounded like guys and ruined the whole karaoke. Oh well. We then went to Rawtenstall and filmed some 4 minute movies on my phone. We got back to mine, tidied up which surprisingly didn't take too long. We then ventured on to Kate's with our leftover food. We went into her wendy house and watched the Pink Floyd DVD and ate Pringles. We then moved to the living room and asked Jess, American Trevor and Luke to go into Kate's to watch the DVD while we watched Sky. We had a laugh and I got a taxi home.

Today I got up and went off to meet Lydia at half 9, I got there at 9:45 and waited 10 minutes for Lid Marmy. Anthony didn't come because he wasn't allowed because he was working at 4. Lyd and I thought we'd be finished shopping at that time. First thing Lyd and I went to the food court cause we were really hungry. We got a Pizza Express meal with a mini Margherita pizza, fries and a Pepsi. We ate the pizza but the fries were disgusting so we left them and we took our Pizza's out. We ventured into different shops and took pictures of buskers. Afflecks was really fun, we saw lots of funny things, I got 10 badges and we took pictures of random signs. We took pictures of random everything. At the end I paid for Lyd and I to go on the big wheel in Manchester. We were stuck/stood behind this guy I appropriately named "Talkative Tim" and his girl/friend I named "Babbling Barbara"; we weren't sure. There was definately something there.Anyway, we ended up in a gonzola with Tim and Barbara (great! Not) and I asked Tim where he came from and he said Manchester and I was like ooook because he had a southern accent so he insulted me and said I didn't come from Rossendale and I sounded like a scouser and this was Lyd's and I's turn to be smart and say I came from Liverpool. He said "oh shit" because we are far smarter than Talkative Tim and Babbling Barbara. We filmed a video and took pictures from the wheel, it was fun. After the wheel we said goodbye to those two and went to Starbucks. There I had a Tuna Mayo (Dolphin Friendly) sandwich and a grande hot chocolate with cream. Lyd had a Croque Monsier and the same drink. My total was £5 which I thought was good. We went downstairs to sit down and we sat at this table then these old women moved from the sofas so we moved everything to the sofas and I sat on a chair and it was broken at one side and it was really funny. I took a picture of my mug because it was so precious lol. Oooo Lyd and I nearly got mugged too! We were in the Arndale Centre and walking along with our bags and these boys were leaning against the wall and as soon as we walked past they looked at each other and immediately started following us. Lyd and I aren't stupid so we walked quicker and lost them.

At the end of our shopping trip;
Lyd got:

• A Coat for herself
• A Little Teapot and Cups for her mother
• Some Coffee for her brother
• FCUK pack for her friend Sarah Purdy
• Nice Shampoo for herself

I bought:

• Silverchair Albums, Freak Show & Diorama for myself
• Green Day - Insomniac CD to complete my collection
• Westlife CD for Lucy
• 2 Kings of Leon CDs for my mother to give Colin
• Cinnamon & Vanilla Coffee and Vanilla Tea Bags
• A Distillers T-shirt, XL so it's comfortable for bed
• 10 badges
• A Green Day limited edition picture disk Boulevard of Broken Dreams vinyl
• 2 orgasmic shower moose's, one for one of mother's presents and one for moi

A very different but enjoyable shopping trip.

On the bus home Lyd and I were sitting at the front on the top deck talking on different sides and this woman came and said to these kids "you can't stand up while the bus is moving sit at the front there" so I had to sit on the same seat as my shopping and Lyd sat in the corner and two silent kids in between us. It was really akward. I didn't want to talk round them. That annoyed me how the mother was so rude as to sit the kids next to us. Didn't ask us to move along or anything she just assumed. Stupid biatch.

We got off the bus, walked along the main road not through town and then said bye. I was walking down the street then up the hill, I was so cold that I was numb and it wasn't even a struggle getting up the hill. My hands didn't even hurt from the carrier bag my hands were so numb. Anyway I got home and had a Vanilla Tea which was yummy and my mother and I had an arguement so I pretended I had tourette's to annoy her. Hehe. What a biatch. I just went upstairs, just watched TV randomly and came on the net and transferred all the pictures and videos we had took. Talking to Lid Marmy, Jason aka My Little Windmill and Tom Power now.

Final Thought

Some people with prams are incredibly ignorant, don't they think they have right of way everywhere. I was walking through Manchester and someone just ignored the fact they were heading straight for me and didn't even try and move, they don't own the streets and sidewalks. They should re-think or if we see them we may ram a trolley into them as revenge. Mwahaha.

xXx

Great.........Only A Week And A Day

Well it's a week and a day until Christmas and it sure shows. Yesterday I was once again bored and ill at home doing nothing all day. My mother was being a biatch and a tosser and I was ready to kill her, grrrr. Kate came round at about 7 and we ventured out to Spar. I bought her £10 credit and then we ventured on to Asda. On the way I dropped my purse, Kate and I tried to run ahead of these townie girls cause they'd probably steal it (so stereotypical). So as soon as I saw it on it's side and when I realised it definately was my purse it fell down. My purse had a pic of Wayne in it that is the only picture like that of him I had so I really wanted it back, and it had a tenner in. My purse has special powers. See the specially done diagram here http://www.geocities.com/mydogsaidhi/Purse.html
We went to Asda and bought Christmas wrapping paper and ribbon and cards and we also bought crackers and party poppers because Kate and I decided to have a Christmas party tomorrow. It'll be fun. Daniel my old Video & Editing Tutor who also works at Asda served us. He said he wasn't happy with me and I did explain I was ill for 2 weeks and Ben didn't come to get the videos. It was all ok and we wished each other good luck for the future. No doubt I'll see him again in Asda.
Then Kate and I decided we were hungry and we weren't sure if we should risk the chippy or go to Quickies (the worst placed fast food ever) and we got a cheeseburger and chips (I didn't feel great, it was beef, why do I do this to myself!).
We went to Spar, picked up a few things and went back to mine. I wrapped up an alarm clock I bought for Nick Byrne cause he said he wanted one and I thought it'd be a nice gesture. I wrote cards for Linzie and Nick and then wrapped up Kate's family's gift of oven gloves, because they don't have any. I gave Kate money for a taxi and she went home. I sat up till half 1 wrapping my mother's gifts. I then just went to sleep after reading some of my book which is excessively interesting.

Today I am bored, and I will continue to be bored for ages. I was rudely awakened at about half 9 IN THE MORNING! by my mother. She nicely informed me she was going to Southport with Colin and won't be back till tomorrow. Great I thought, NOT. So I thought, well, I'll ask Kate, but no, Kate can't come round. So now I'll be bored all night and on my on in a big scary house :( I'm sure I'll die. So Kate is popping round so we can make a trippet to Asda to get party food lol and then she's going home early. So there's me, with all my new DVDs I've already watched and nothing :( I'm going to be so bored.

I rang up Nick Byrne before, I asked him why did he tell Andy Allen that he didn't like Kate anymore before she introduced him to me. He was err and umming and said it wasn't true. I apologise, but I don't believe that for a second. People who bitch about other's behind their back are horrible and especially if it hurts someone else. Maybe he should consider telling somebody things that won't matter if they come out and also maybe he should consider who he tells things to. Anyway, Kate didn't introduce me to Nick, I randomly talked to him on her messenger and he asked for my e-mail, then my number so it was his doing. Wasn't Kate's fault.

Ok then, I'll carry on talking to Thom about an impatient Mathamatics teacher he has that seems quite annoying, Jono about Christmas and Dan about Scotland.

xXx

Finally.........Not As Sick

Yay finally I'm not as ill as I was. I had that problem last Monday which lasted till Thursday. I then got a chest infection of some sort, then on Saturday I went shopping with Kate. I bought a new mobile phone a Nokia 6230 which is so much better than a lot of phones, I love it. I bought lots of CDs and DVDs. These two scallies were walking ahead and one of them dropped a tenner, I picked it up, turned round and said to Kate, so, shall I be moral and give it them back or shall we split it. After about 2 seconds we both said split it so we did. My uncle gave me £1000, yes, that's a grand for stopping smoking. I feel so rich I love it. Anyway, after shopping we went back to Kate's then we went to mine. I had picked up a 48 hour stomach bug from Kate's household. Then Sunday I got a cold, so on Monday I was stuck with a chest infection, a cold and a stomach bug. I felt awful all day.


Tuesday

Tuesday was a better day. I didn't feel as rough but I still felt pretty ill. I lay in bed all day, although, I did go downstairs to watch Down With Love. I sorta hung around not doing much until my mother went out whenever she went out, I can't even remember. I phoned Wayne and we talked for ages. He's coming over in January YAY!!! He was so unbelievably sweet, he said he couldn't wait to see me again and that he loved me, I was like awww. He's such a sweetie. Can't wait for him to come over either. I rang up Fletch after that and I told him and he was more excited than I was. He decided he wanted to come over so he did and we walked around for a bit. He was telling me what was up so I was comforting him, awww we said how much we missed each other and gave each other big hugs. He's a lovely guy, just going through a tough time. Anyway, we went to Spar so I could show him my richness to prove it. I gave him £10 and he said he'd spend it on weed or something so I ordered him to buy two 20 decks of cigarettes so he couldn't. So now, he has enough cigarettes to last him for ages. At Spar we saw Kate and she came along with us. We listened into a phonecall Joe made to Kate. Kate was going on about how Joe was obsessively in love he was with her and Joe was talking about something. Anyway, we went back up to mine, I gave Kate a blank CD and gave Oliver £10 for a taxi cause I didn't want him to be late and it means more time with him.

Final Thought or bitch

If your life has been served up on a plate for you, if you have always had a mother and father who love you, if you haven't had any major downers on your life why do you have to lie? People lie to make their lives seem more interesting.......NEWSFLASH it doesn't make your life more interesting it just means you lie. You lie and that makes you a bad person. Also, people who have had their life served up on a plate for them are generally the ones who feel sorry for themselves more than people who have had a 'harder' life. They do it for attention while if people had a 'harder' life actually don't prefer the attention, they prefer no attention which is why people who's lives have been there set out for them call them attention seekers because they actually envy the attention. If someone were to use their 'harder' life as an example of why the other person should really not complain as much as they do they tend to say things like the oither person can't use it as an example.

To sum that up if you don't understand:

• If your life has been set in stone for you, don't complain at every little thing you can
• Don't call people who have had a 'harder' time attention seekers
• If they use it as an excuse, don't blow up at them, respect that they aren't just seeking attention they're genuinely trying to make a point
• Don't lie to make yourself look interesting, it makes you look pathetic
• Don't alienate yourself delibrately for sympathy
• Some people who have gone through quite tough times sometimes talk about it to others as part as the getting over it process, that's not attention seeking
• Look at your own life, is it really as bad as you make out?
• For the people who have had 'harder' times, keep trying, it'll get better soon, ignore the people that think they've got it bad when in reality it's nothing, you know what bad is and you've had to deal with that, so stay strong and get support and move on, it's hard, but achievable eventually. Just give it time.

xXx

Not Long After

After posting my last blog I went downstairs and I was crying my eyes out for no particular reason only because I was releasing my own thoughts and feelings and seeing the reality of it all.

Anyway, I went downstairs and microwaved my dinner, I'm feeling really weak and I can only drag myself everywhere. My mother shouted at me for that saying that it had just come out the oven, even though it was stone cold. Then I sat down, still in tears and she started having a go. I then sort of blacked out in a way, and in that time I had thrown a glass of coca cola across the table, I hadn't actually realised I had done that. My mother said it was my temper, but people who know me know that I don't have a temper. I went upstairs with a pair of scissors ready to do something. I just sat in my room and cried my eyes out then went into the study and basically just fell to the floor and was crying my eyes out.

I went back downstairs, she carried on shouting so I went and sat on the floor and ate my dinner. Then she started shouting about something else and I was just taking it in, but, not, if you understand that. I then came upstairs with the house phone because Kate had rung before and I went on the net. Then she decided she was going to ring her mother, and started shouting. So I just shouted after her about how she liked making people feel like shit, liked making people hurt themselves, ruining peoples lives, taking a childhood away from people and making people try to commit suicide because it made her feel powerful.

Now, I'm writing this blog while being offline waiting till she's finished talking to my senile grandmother. I'm just sitting here. For the last year and a half all I can think of is death. I feel awful constantly. I want to die, constantly. I just don't know if I have the guts to try again, for the 5th time. It's ridiculous, I'm ridiculous. I just want to leave the world, leave everything behind, leave my mother behind. Get her to go away and never return, I may be happy then, I may not. But there's no way of finding out. A life altering decision is the only way I'll find out anything.

I'm thinking of going in tomorrow on my day off college to go see the coucellor, just because I need someone to talk to. I don't know what to do. I just feel awful, weak, stupid, lifeless. What do I do? I just don't know.

For fucks sake, just rang up a health line about a girly problem I have and I've been told to go straight to A&E or I could go in shock, become anaemic or something and black out. I'm too scared to go though :(

I would like to be informed on why I feel like this, why do I feel so upset, saddened? Why does my body feel dull; like all my organs are shutting down like I've took too many paracetomol?

Why can't I just forget the past and the present and look to the future?

The past is the past, I'm not going to dwell on it, in another's opinion I may not have had a childhood but I can't turn back time and create one for myself. I can't change it, but why does there still feel like an empty space inside? Something that is missing from me, from my life, from what people should have, a necessity for life. My mother is who she is, even turning back time can't change her, what she's done, what she let happen. I can no longer change anything so why do I desperately try? It'll all be the same, over again, I was not and still am not powerful enough to make a difference.

The present is now. I could if I had more power to change my life now. But, still, I can't change my mother. She is the same evil, twisted person she was when I was born 17 years ago. She loses friends like she changes her socks. She is still there, as critical as ever. I can't change her, but can I still change my life? She goes on about a job, but, it won't make any difference, it'd just either be used for my own material possessions, it can't change anything about me, except, to make me feel worse. To add on stress. I can't cope as it is, so how will that help? Sometimes I think she does it because she wants to kill me off. I think she hates me so much that she wants to kill me off. She wants me to struggle, to hate myself, to not enjoy life. I had to grow up from an early age, I coped with things my way but yet again people got involved and changed that, I can't even cope with things without people changing anything. In my mind now, my mother wants to me go, and some days, I feel I should, do what I feel she wants me to do.

The future is to look forward to. I can grow and adjust to other things. But, I fear as I do grow older my past will still play with my mind. It'll never go, I can't get rid of memories that have affected me for years. But why? Why can't somebody just come, whisk me off my feet and elimate all bad from my memories and my life? Why can't somebody be my hero?

I still cry, up to 8 times a day, over nothing hardly. But my past still affects me, I can;t get rid of anything that is affecting me badly, I'm stuck. Sometimes, I wish my mother would vanish, as she does me. I would be myself, an individual, I'd have freedom from one of the biggest problems in my life. It will not happen before I'm 18, not unless it happens in the next year. Everything gets me down, seeing family's together makes me crave it all. I crave a family, with it's sibling rivalry, it's parents which despite argueing still love each other as much as they ever did. I want a family life, to feel loved, still. I hate to say it but I craze presents too. My friend was showing me all the presents her family had got her for this christmas and I wanted to cry. I won't get anything this christmas. My mother has spent her christmas money on my family and Colin. She's bought lots of nice things for Colin. I, however, will recieve nothing but hatred from her. We'll be at Colin's on christmas day, she'll be the same, shooing me away, telling me to go away, I'm in the way, a waste of space as always. I'll recieve some free gift she got in a 3 for 2 or the video camera she got free with her new mobile phone. I feel like crying so much when I know people will be all happy with their families. I'm going to be alone, mentally and physically. I'll be sitting somewhere feeling like I have no one to speak to, like I'm in the middle of the Sahara desert. It'll be me, myself and my thought that control my mind.

Why do I feel this way? Why do I want to end my life and cut it short. This post may be long and boring to you, but to me, it'll help get things off my chest.

I know these are all rhetorical questions, I just wish something could tell me the answers.

Sick As A Parrot

Well yesterday (Monday) I got up at 6 to copy all the tracks Ben and I chose for the soundtrack. It got to 8 and I still had 1 CD left to copy because the work had sort of screwed up a bit. Anyway by 8:45am I was ready, I rang Ben and met him at the top of his road. We walked down the college and went into the editing suite. We had another scene we needed to re-do and Ben suggested we do it that afternoon. We edited the first two scenes and then well the morning was boring. We went into the canteen for lunch then went to W7. At 12:45 I went outside with the other and then to the front office because I had an appointment with the councellor. I basically told her my life story when she asked and she asked about my feelings etc. so I told her. At the end, she said a very weird thing, she said, "You have a right to feel sorry for yourself." But I don't feel sorry for myself, not at all, I created my bad shit, I should live by it. She said it was basically my mothers fault for messing for around and not giving me the childhood children should have. Odd I think. Anyway, I trudged up to film studies, realised I was meant to be filming, excused myself then made my way to the canteen, found Ben with Simon and Richard. Ben was coming up with an ending to the film and Simon and Richard went to play football outside. So I said to Ben so we gonna shoot some stuff today and he didn't want to. Yeah, like we have loads of time to say no to shooting. Anyway, his idea was good. I was reading through my handouts and then looked up and everyone had gone and they had left me with the clapperboard, camera, tape, tripod and everything else they had. I was soooo annoyed at them, I didn't get the stuff out so why should I have to go and take it all back!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Anyway, I grabbed the things, my bag and Ben's coat. I took the media things back to the editing suite and Gary put then away then I made my way back to Film Studies. I put Ben's coat on the back of a chair then went to sit down. I endured 10 minutes of the lesson then it was over. Jackie (the lecturer) talked to me for a few minutes then I went to find Kris. Kris and I walked home, had a good chat. I then went home, watched TV, Kate rang me. I then went on the net for 20 minutes, realised I felt so ill then I went downstairs and my mother made me a drink with hot water, lemon juice, honey and congac in. I then just went straight to bed.

Today I woke up at 7 the same but I felt awful, absolutely dreadful so I decided I wasn't going to go to college. I then stayed in bed till half 11. Went downstairs trying to find something to do. I finally managed to have a shower about 1pm. I felt awful just wandering around. About 3 I tried to sort out all the cables for the amp and DVD and video. I even broke into the study and got my karaoke machine and realised it can act as an amp too. I then just listened to Joni Mitchell and cried about 5 times for no reason and went through loads of cigarette's because I felt awful. Just before my mother just had a go about polishing shoes because my uncle's taking us out for a meal at either Nino's or the Dining Room so I went into the hallway to get them to polish then she shouted and said I had to do it in the utility room and I burst into tears and she came in and sorta grabbed my shoulder and took me to the utility room, that was the last time I cried. I just hated myself.

How I Missed Kevin & Steven :(

Well Saturday we arrived in Formby about 12ish. I was dropped off at Lucy's at about 20 to 2. We caught the train into Southport, it's only £1.05 for a student!!! That's way cheaper than a bus which in Rossendale would cost about £3 or something. Rip off! I so prefer public transport in Liverpool. I bought some presents for various members of families and friends. We got back at about 5 and I walked back to Bushbys Park where Colin lives. I got changed because Colin and my mother were having Colin's best friend Terry and his wife Susanah over. I got lots of compliments from Terry about how my hair looked good (last time he saw me it was bright red) and the fact I'd grown about 4 inches to 5 foot 10 now. Then when serving the main meal, the horrible and extremely painful accident occured. Colin took the plates out of the oven and then held it with his bare hands and said, they're not at all hot so I took it off him and had to put the plate down immediately. I ended up with a blister the whole of the top half of my second finger. Colin got some arrow shaped ice cubes and I had my finger in numerous ice cubes for about 6 hours. It was an awful burning sensation. Well, for starters Colin made this nice lamb thing with onion marmalade which was cooked to perfection by himself. For main course my mother made this horrible Polish meal which only my grandmother can make well (well, could make well, now she's senile). I opted for sweet and sour pork with noodles insted. For dessert my mother made this odd concoption, it was filo pastry in a weird little basket with mincemeat in. I scooped out the mincemeat and put a little creme freche in mine. OOOOOO I totally forgot the mention my cocktails. It was basically lime all cut up put into a large jug thing with sugar in which I had to crush with a mortar I think it's called, anyway then it had all this alcohol I can't remember the name of go in and then loads and loads of ice cubes. It was incredibly tasty. I had more to drink than all the "adults" yet they were all pissed and asleep on couches I wasn't even tipsy. I found that incredibly funny.

Sunday was amazing. Kevin texted me all morning and said that Steven and himself were going to arrive about quarter past two. Kevin was like one of my best friends in Formby, he was great, I loved him to bits and Steven was his brother who was an amazing friend. I love them both to bits. So they arrived with Stella and Jeff their mother and father. Stella and Jeff left and Kevin, Steven and I went for a walk in the pine forest and to the beach. How I loved living next to the sea, the woods and the beach are a 5 minute walk away. It's incredibly lovely there. We had a great time, just talking, catching up. I wanted to burst into tears because I had missed them so much. I hadn't seen Kevin for 3 years! 3 years! It's unbelievable. We arrived back at the house about half 3 and Kevin, my mother, Colin and I all had a vanilla slice because Steven didn't want one. It was great, just like in Turnacre when we always used to be round at each others houses. I took pictures of them both with my mothers camera phone to show Kate. And may I just say, both of them have turned into some good looking, good mannered, great personalities. They are lovely lovely people. I miss them dearly. But I'll see them at Christmas so it isn't all bad. My mother and I came home and afterwards Ben came over. We went to go see Lid Marmy and we hung out for a bit. Was great to see Lid Marmy, we were talking about the party on Saturday. Ben and I then went back to mine and we were sorted out the video for tomorrow. We sorted it out then we chose about 14 tracks for the soundtrack for the movie. He left about midnight, I went to bed, read, and fell into a lovely sleep.

xXx

Second Birthday

Well I must say my second birthday was absolutely aweomse. I went to my Aunty Maggy's and Uncle Tony's at about 6. We opened a bottle of champagne which was lovely, I was given my present of £60, a Malaysian windchime and a big chocolate Thorntons cake all to myself which no one can share!!! It had Sarah written on it and had 3 different types of truffles. I must say, it is delicious. We cracked open another bottle of bubby and by this time I'd had 5 glasses of champers and I was a bit tipsy. We sat and talked for ages then my Aunt gave me a lift home. It was really good fun actually. I was pleasently surprised.

OK, well that day I went to college as per usual. We had radio which was ultra boring and I just listened to music all lesson and then we had Understanding the Media last, we had to watch this video of a Media Studies lecture by Stuart Hall which was also ultra boring and then after break we went into DTP. There weren't any seats for a computer left so I said could I print my work out and go, he said yes. I walked home, looked for an advent calender, there aren't any :( I came home and my Aunty Maggy asked me if I wanted to go round (see above) so I did.

Ben came round about half 8 ish and we were talking for a bit and I brought my acoustic down so he could play one of my now favourite Nirvana songs, "Opinion". It is so cool. In my tipsyness I decided to learn how to play the easiest song ever, Smoke on the Water. Because I hadn't played guitar or bass for about a year or something I've forgotten a lot but now I actually remember how to play Smoke on the Water. Yay for me. OK, Ben left, I finished my work and then I went to bed cause I was really tired.

Well today I was half awake when Kate rang about half 8, we had a little chat, her dad was argueing with her again, poor thing. Then she rang again at about 10:45 this morning. Charlie is ill so she's looking after him. They are making buns with pink icing. At this moment in time Kate and I are talking on messenger and deciding what I should put on my Xmas wish list even though there isn't a chance in hell I'll be bought any of these things. I'm also writing down my present buying things for everybody. I'm not buying many people presents, only the people that matter most. Obviously Martin's off the list then.

Yay I'm going to Formby tomorrow. Saturday I'm going to be xmas shopping with Luce and on Sunday Kev and I are going to hang out. I am soooo excited.

Bye for now xXx

Martin is a Tosser

Well may I just say, how pathetic is Martin Peel? First he goes on with all the sad threats that are just empty and may I say, what a wanker for even saying them. Then today in English Language I was told he was going to make a blog to get his own back. Sad individual. It's my online journal, you can't just make one to get your own back. That's just stupid. You are so pathetic.

I heard the blog thing so I thought it was pathetic enough to write about. Cheers Martin, for making everyone laugh at your pathetic-ness.

And moving from an idiot to another load of idiots....................

Cherry Pie!

Lid Marmy and I were recalling old times, we always signed this band called Cherry Pie's guestbook http://www.cherrypie.org

Here are two of our entries:

Sara & Lyd

This Site Is Awesome And So's The Band. We Were Wondering If There's A Chance In Hell You'll Come Play At Our Leaver's Concert In England, It Will Be Awesome!


I love you guys. You rock my world. Do some of your own stuff, then we can hear your talent more. I think Luscious Rob and sooooo hot, Chet Manhood is just sexy and the rest, well, lets say I wouldn't throw them outta bed. ;)Lyd


Lmao, good old times. Of course they were both joking, we sent another one today from our old Maths teachers, it's incredibly funny for anyone who knows her.

Ok, byeee xXx

The Day After The Boredom Before

Well yesterday, no offence to anyone, was just plain boring. I got up at about 7, got a phone call at 7 got a few more phonecalls and texts. I got ready for college, after opening the 2 cards that were there (the post hadn't arrived). One from my mother and from my Aunty Mildred. My aunty rang and said that my uncle would bring my present and cards over before work. Well anyway, I waited till 25 to 9, thought ahhh fuck this and went to meet Ben. I told Ben I knew what my present was (only because my mother does awful awful hinting) and then we decided to pop back to mine to see if it was there. When I was in there I got Ben a plaster for his sore on the back of his heel and didnt open my cards cause I was late so I just opened my present. And yes, I was correct, it was a Nirvana Box Set. Funnily enough, the same Nirvana Box Set my mother was hinting at me to tell her more. Now, I am really am NOT that stupid a individual.

So, Ben and I got all excited going to college because we could listen to it when we got into DTP on the computers. Ben seemed even more excited than me. DTP was so ultra boring that I actually did work. I went for about 10 million cigs cause I was THAT BORED throughout the day. At lunch we just went to the canteen, Richard made Simon get his lunch so he didn't have to sit on his own cause there is only 4 seats to a table but Claire Brooks was being really nice and her and I sat at a table together.

Our tutor and writing for the screen teacher Ste was at Sandy Lane until 2 so we were told to go to DTP and do any work. Of course I got there and there were absolutely no seats left, so I sat on a chair for 10 minutes but I was soooo bored that I just went downstairs and outside and smoked loads. Stupid stupid bored me. I then went to W7 cause it was feezing and re-wrote my logging sheet cause as I've said before I was THAT BORED. Then at about 2 I went into DTP and just sat on a chair doing nothing when Ste was there. I just sat there staring into space hoping the time would go faster. Indeed, ironically, it went a lot slower. So I just left the room tons of times to do odd things, I even got talking to a old-ish woman who was getting her hair done. People all said Happy Birthday to me including Ste who shouted it as I was leaving the room with Ben. It then got to about 5 to 4 and Ste said we could go. I was like YES and jumped up ready to go then Ben asked me if I'd come with him to rent out a Mini Disc Player, so I did.

It got to 5 past 4 and I left and walked on my own to town. I stood then had the 57th billion cigarette it felt like and waited. I waited for 15 minutes until Kate, Nick and Linzie came. Nick actually offered a hug which a gracely accepted. I also recieved hugs off Kate and Linzie and a happy birthday. How nice of everyone. Well we stood and talked for about 5 minutes then Nick went somewhere I forgot and Kate, Linzie and I went to Woolworths cause Kate wanted some stickers. In Woolworths I got a text of Kev YAY! I hadn't spoke to Kev in agggges and he sent me a text, awwwwwwwwww. Kev is the greatest, he's 20 in January, I still remember when we all played Power Rangers in the street at 7 years ago. OK so Linzie and Kate wanted to go to Maji's and then Mannings so we did. Then we were walking home and then we dropped off at mine. On the way home Kate was saying something about how I can't walk home with them because it's easier if they don't walk with me. So now my fate is always walking home on my own after college :(

At my house I realised my mother had opened my non opened cards from my aunty and uncle GRRRRRRRRR. They are my cards!!! BIATCH! Then I opened some more and put them up. I cut Kate, Linzie and myself a slice of the cake my mother made, it was actually quite tasty. Then we all went off walking towards Kate's. I went into Kate's and Linzie went home. We went into her room and I played the Nirvana DVD you get free with it. It actually wasn't that good. I think they should have put some proper videos in. Then we erm can't remember and then at 6ish we went to Kate's parents evening. I saw lots of people I knew from high school, saw some of Kate's friends, and was on the look out for Slawicz cause I heard he looks like Harry Potter, so I wanted to see. I pointed someone out and she said that was someone called Daniel. We saw BUG too. Then we went back and Kate's parents went to Manchester and Kate put 2 pizza's in the oven and we got stuck watching this really boring program. Then they put my footage on from some film we were doing for TV & Video Techniques and she decides Daniel doesn't look as good as she thought he did at first. Maybe she just prefers people in Asda uniforms. Then we ate our pizza and Kate brought in the cake all lit up and Jess and Kate sang Happy Birthday to me and I blew them out, badly. Then Jess had a small slice, and Kate and I had a nice slice. Was a nice cake, had pink icing with little balls on top. Cough. Kate makes lovely cakes, yay for Kate!

I had a good time at Kate's apart from when I was bored out of my mind watching I'm a celebrity, I hate that program, Kate said I could of done something else but I was a guest I can't just go off and do whatever. So I watched that. And then Kate gave me a slice of my cake cause she's sharing the rest out. Then her and her dad took me home. Then I ate the slice of cake she gave me and watched Teachers. Then I went to see my mother who said she was ill and she said I can't have anymore of my cake cause she's sharing it out. So great, I get 2 slices of my cake and I can't touch it. I hate it when people do that. Grrr at my mother. So I lay in bed, watched shit TV and fell asleep.

I got up today at 9 cause I couldn't sleep and just watched TV, very very boring. I just didn't do anything until 1:50 when my mother went out and now I'm writing this in a particular boring, dull, depressed mood. Great.

Anyway, me and my ungrateful self will get lost
xXx

p.s. Presents:

Mother: Tolberone chocolate and £100 given about 3 or 4 weeks ago, my hair done, only £15
Ex Step Dad: £50 3 or 4 weeks ago
Grandmother: £50
Aunty & Uncle: NIRVANA BOX SET!!! :D
Aunty Maggy & Uncle Tony: Nothing
Aunty Mildred: A little gold heart jewellery box, chocolate
Kate: Fizzy laces, black bands, earrings, RHCP book

p.p.s. Awww I was really looking forward to my, "Haha you will die today, have a bloody birthday, hahaha" text from Martin :( Awww, those psychotic individuals never get the timing right. Goddamn them.