Well, It's Been An Eventful Few Days

Well Tuesday was a boring day apart from the evening. I was watching Hollyoaks and about 7 my mother rang my grandmother as per usual because she's old and dementia has set in so everyone checks on her everyday. I went on the net on and off and about half 9ish my aunty rang my mother and explained that for the last 2 hours she was trying to get through but there was no answer. It's not like my grandmother at all to go to bed between 7 and 8pm. Now at this stage my Aunty, mother and myself were getting quite worried because my grandmother had also been ill with a stomach bug and this other weird thing. We thought she may have gone to the outside toliet to be sick and fallen in the dark and because she's old and frail she would really damage herself. My mother and I decided (even after drinking a few glasses of wine) we had no alternative but to drive over to Accrington because my Aunty doesn't drive. So we got over there looked round the house but there were no lights on and we couldn't get in so we phoned my Aunty then went over to hers to pick her up. We drove back again and my Aunty tried her key but the safety chain was on, what my grandmother does if she doesn't expect anyone else. I then gave my Aunty my phone and she rang the police. One policeman came and he said they'd have to knock the door in, my Aunty was like oooo and I was like "cool" inside although I was more worried about my Grandmother, hoping she wasn't dead. The policeman then called his sargent and the sargent came down and asked if we wanted to go up to the house with him (at this point we were in the car) we all said yes. So we followed him up the steps to the door and he got this big red thing out and then it was just like the police. My Aunty and Mother looked away while I looked on in awe, it was like a scene from the Bill. Colin later said he was surprised I wasn't there with my video camera filming, I told him it was a tad insensitive. They got in the first door, then the second, my Aunty then flew upstairs as fast as her legs would carry her. She shouted Mama and I little old, grey lady said Yes in Polish. We all sighed with relief and the police sargent said he hadn't been so relieved to hear a voice. I thanked him and he left. The policeman brought the damage to the doors to us, it was only a broken chain and bolt holder which I then fixed back on. I just wish they'd all stop calling me handy, it's an awful thing to call me. Anyway, my grandmother was totally unfazed by all of this, the normal Babcia would of shouted at us all for being stupid, but the senile Babcia was completely unfazed like she didn't know where she was. That upset me quite a lot. We then went into the kitchen and at about 2 in the morning my mother and I went home leaving Ciocia to either stay at Babcia's or get a taxi home.

On Wednesday at about 2 Kate came round and we just messed around and watched my first recording on the video camera. It was a whole 62 minutes long. Poor Kate she was bored senseless. We ate quality streets, pringles and dip dab's. I gave her money for a taxi and sent her on her way at about 6 ish. That was it was really.

Well Thursday was also kind of eventful. I woke up to then having to run downstairs to answer the house phone, it was Kate. I then went upstairs, had a shower etc. and hung about in the pjamas. My mother came home and then I just went upstairs and tidied my room again lol. I seem to be doing more than enough tidying. The doorbell rang, I stood on the bath and peered out the window to see who it was. It was in fact, the great Lid Marmy, Anthony and his boyfriend Ben. I got changed in about 5 or 10 minutes and went downstairs and gave them all Dip Dab's. It's a big thing now, the Dip Dab's. After a bit of just hanging about we walked about for a bit then went up to Lyd's. We sat at her dining room table and talked then they had the idea of going up to the forest. I thought this was an awful idea because it had been raining and it would be all muddy and slippy. I went with them regardless but when I saw the state of the ground (full of mud) I decided against it and said I would go home. As I was walking down Haslingdon Old Road I heard a "Sara, come back". So I phoned Anthony and he said I was being sensible. So I walked back then they decided to go up the rocky path. So we set off and then when we were about 2 minutes from my Aunty Maggy and Uncle Tony's house where the path is next too Anthony said he couldn't be bothered. So we walked past my Aunty's and Uncle's and we went down the hill, past the dam (which was totally overflowing badly) and then we said bye to Ben who went to the bus station and we waited at the bus stop with Anthony. You know what was weird, there was a fridge in the bus stop. I thought it was so random that I took a picture of it and I'll post it on a site. We said bye to Anthony then Lyd and I went back up to hers. We went into the dining room and sat and talked for ages. We then ventured up into Lyd's room. We made mini videos of us singing karaoke to Balamory. It was really funny. We seemed to let time go loads. Then Lyd's mother (who is also Polish and also called Krysia like my mother) came in and asked if I wanted to stay for dinner. I accepted her offer and then about half six I think we went down for dinner. At the table was Lyd's mother and father, her brother Alex and herself and myself. It was a really yummy vegetable soup thing and bread. It was really nice, compliments to whichever chef it was. Lyd and I then went upstairs again and just messed around. Got into a big arguement with Kate. I was telling her how Kim's just walking all over her, she's a user and she dumped Kate because she felt she didn't need her anymore, just ignored her, without even telling her and now she has no friends again she thought she'd pick on the most vunrable one who'd take her back. Like I said to Kate, I only care even though she told me not to. Kim is just like my mother, she uses people for a purpose that suits her then dumps then when it suits her. That's why both my mother and Kim have no friends. Kate didn't believe me of course, she doesn't want to see the truth. She said she did see it but if she truely did then she'd know that she'd just be going into her trap to get hurt. Sometimes I even think that she wants to get hurt. She says it's called "seeing the best in people", I think it's called "wanting things back the way they were". Kim was just horrible to Kate though, she just uses her and Kate can't or probably won't see it. I then said if I hadn't stood up to my mother I'd still be being abused now. Also with the bullies, and the perverts and everyone. I'd be shy, still being beaten. I'm still being emotionally blackmailed now, several people have told me and unlike Kate, I don't wait and see if I get hurt anymore to live my life and make my choices. It's just dumb, I don't fancy being hurt anymore so some things my mother says I ignore. But some things she says justs gets to me badly and I can't ignore it, but I do my best. I'm not going to sit around getting hurt just to live my own life and make my decisions. Sometimes, you take people's advice, because it's for the best, and you know if people advise you or tell you something's just wrong they care and they want the best. Some people just can't see that and it's like they want to have the independence because they haven't been given it. It's just a road to hurt. People who don't know should take advice from people who do, or else, it's just ignorant. Anyway, I told Kate about the emotional stuff about the abuse and she had the fucking cheek to say "I bet your both saying how pathetic I am and laughing". I fucking blew up then, how dare she say that, after all the stuff about being abused, it's something to fucking laugh at!!! I then burst into tears, I thought, how could Kate go as low as that. No one could go that low. Yeah Kate, being abused is a total laugh, I joke about it all the fucking time don't I. Yeah sure. I'd like to see you go through it and laugh about it. Some things you can go through life and laugh about, but there's just some you can't. It's too low to say somebody would laugh at that. How dare she. She then said "well if she thinks tears will get her an apology she can think on" or something along those lines. Lyd blew up as well. I was crying because I couldn't believe anybody would say anything about laughing at an abused person. And no I haven't took it out of proportion, if I had the conversation I'd show you. Well Kate, lets all laugh at abused people, lets see the millions of people agree with you on that one. Not even I'm that low. It's just sick what she said. She then decided to have a few days away from everyone which probably means in my now worked up state that she's doing a Kim and fucking off. Well, I definately deserve an apology for laughing at abused people. No matter how paranoid you are you NEVER say that ever. And that does owe a big fucking apology, no matter how you feel it doesn't, believe me, it does. Anyway Lyd and I tried to cheer ourselves up after that thing happened. We had Martini's, I had a couple of glasses and we both had toast which was a bit burnt but nice all the same. I left Lyd's at about 1 in the morning. I walked home. When I got home it was about 25 to 2 and I was drenched, had a cold but was fine. I e-mailed Lyd to tell her I was ok. I had a cup of tea and came on the computer.


Final Thought or bitch (again)

People who have been abused have gone through a lot. This could be sexual abuse, emotional or physical. All as bad as each other, and no laughing matter. Anybody who even assumes that (who hasn't experienced it) should never say that. It's not even a passing joke type of matter. I don't think people who haven't experienced it first hand really know what they are saying. Maybe they should talk to people about it, then maybe they'll realise the extent of the damage being done saying that. Yes you can say many things, insult in many ways, but there are some places you just don't go; and abuse is one of them. No one who would ever talk about it in details without at least some co-operation from the other person. No matter how angry the other person is, abuse is never a laughing matter and no matter how angry they are, they should never say anything about that. I don't think Kate know's what she has done saying that to me then refusing to apologise. Bottom line, just don't joke about it or say anyone is doing.....ever.

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