Sick As A Parrot

Well yesterday (Monday) I got up at 6 to copy all the tracks Ben and I chose for the soundtrack. It got to 8 and I still had 1 CD left to copy because the work had sort of screwed up a bit. Anyway by 8:45am I was ready, I rang Ben and met him at the top of his road. We walked down the college and went into the editing suite. We had another scene we needed to re-do and Ben suggested we do it that afternoon. We edited the first two scenes and then well the morning was boring. We went into the canteen for lunch then went to W7. At 12:45 I went outside with the other and then to the front office because I had an appointment with the councellor. I basically told her my life story when she asked and she asked about my feelings etc. so I told her. At the end, she said a very weird thing, she said, "You have a right to feel sorry for yourself." But I don't feel sorry for myself, not at all, I created my bad shit, I should live by it. She said it was basically my mothers fault for messing for around and not giving me the childhood children should have. Odd I think. Anyway, I trudged up to film studies, realised I was meant to be filming, excused myself then made my way to the canteen, found Ben with Simon and Richard. Ben was coming up with an ending to the film and Simon and Richard went to play football outside. So I said to Ben so we gonna shoot some stuff today and he didn't want to. Yeah, like we have loads of time to say no to shooting. Anyway, his idea was good. I was reading through my handouts and then looked up and everyone had gone and they had left me with the clapperboard, camera, tape, tripod and everything else they had. I was soooo annoyed at them, I didn't get the stuff out so why should I have to go and take it all back!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Anyway, I grabbed the things, my bag and Ben's coat. I took the media things back to the editing suite and Gary put then away then I made my way back to Film Studies. I put Ben's coat on the back of a chair then went to sit down. I endured 10 minutes of the lesson then it was over. Jackie (the lecturer) talked to me for a few minutes then I went to find Kris. Kris and I walked home, had a good chat. I then went home, watched TV, Kate rang me. I then went on the net for 20 minutes, realised I felt so ill then I went downstairs and my mother made me a drink with hot water, lemon juice, honey and congac in. I then just went straight to bed.

Today I woke up at 7 the same but I felt awful, absolutely dreadful so I decided I wasn't going to go to college. I then stayed in bed till half 11. Went downstairs trying to find something to do. I finally managed to have a shower about 1pm. I felt awful just wandering around. About 3 I tried to sort out all the cables for the amp and DVD and video. I even broke into the study and got my karaoke machine and realised it can act as an amp too. I then just listened to Joni Mitchell and cried about 5 times for no reason and went through loads of cigarette's because I felt awful. Just before my mother just had a go about polishing shoes because my uncle's taking us out for a meal at either Nino's or the Dining Room so I went into the hallway to get them to polish then she shouted and said I had to do it in the utility room and I burst into tears and she came in and sorta grabbed my shoulder and took me to the utility room, that was the last time I cried. I just hated myself.